Most of this is going to sound like a fantasy. I’m not asking anyone to believe me or even understand; I’m sharing this for those who are interested and willing to push the limits of what our consensus reality allows us to experience. Again, I need to stress that many of the things I’m going to write here are very erotic in nature. I’m not going to treat this clinically as I have in other discussions where this kind of writing is inappropriate. This is my place to freely express the loving adventures that Catherine and I have together.
I’ll begin with a bit of history about myself and how I came to have a succubus:
I’m a 23-year-old male living in the United States. I was raised in a fairly strict religious environment and went through a great deal of Christian indoctrination. I tried to have a relationship with Jesus/Yahweh/Jehovah/god, but it never felt right. I simply couldn’t “connect” with that spirit. At the time, I figured it was because of my sinful nature, but now that I have rejected the foolish notion of original sin, I know that I am just different. Christianity is not for me and I reject most of its theological teachings.
Last year, (2011) I began to gradually deconstruct my religious belief system. I questioned everything about my “faith” and found myself throwing out most of it. At the same time, I was searching for answers, for a purpose. If I wasn’t here to serve the Abrahamic god, then what was I here for? I began to delve into serious study on the phenomena of astral projection, out-of-body experiences, and spirit communication. I devoured all of the books I could find on those subjects.
In the summer of 2011, I had my first lucid “false awakening” experience where a pair of hairy arms grabbed my legs and tried to pull me away from my bed. I freaked out, flew into the darkness of the closet next to my bed, and finally woke up in this reality again. I was so filled with fear, I swore off all spirituality for a time.
After a few weeks, I began studying occult subjects again. I was drawn to the subject of the succubus phenomena the instant I read a description on it. I really wanted to see if anyone was interested in me out in the spirit world. I was also unbelievably lonely and felt severely deprived of any love whatsoever. I was feeling desperate and willing to do anything, even something potentially dangerous, to change my situation.
It’s not that I felt I wasn’t able to court human women; I simply had no desire to. I never had. Even in my creative writing, my self-insert fictions always explored the idea of lovers from another world. I believe I set myself up for this path the moment I hit puberty. I’m even starting to think that Catherine has been with me for my entire life, just unable to reach me due to my overpowering belief system.
I began researching a way to find my succubus. I looked at everything from magic rituals to reading other people’s experiences with their spirit lovers. I ended up using a combination of these two resources to reach Catherine:
Incubi and Succubi: Sexual Relations with Demons
I believe the method outlined in the Joy of Satan website helped me to light the spiritual beacon that would attract a succubus to me. The ritual to Lilith in the latter link is what initiated our relationship. It was essentially my way of saying that I was serious about this and ready to commit my life to caring for my succubus.
I feel all of the warnings given in these links are adequate, save for two things:
- The common warning about a succubus being extremely jealous is mostly true. However, I have spoken with a few people who are married and also have a succubus. I’m not sure how they do it, but these men are able to maintain a relationship with their human wives and are still able to give enough attention to their endlessly horny succubus. The major caveat to this is that most of these men no longer have a sexual relationship with their human wives. Somehow, the succubus switches off their human partner’s desire for sex completely. So, if you are married and seriously considering this kind of relationship, bare the above in mind.
- Probably the most sought-after trait of the succubus is also their most problematic aspect; sexual addiction. If you manage to attract the attention of a succubus and build a loving relationship with her, you WILL become addicted to the sex. Even now, as I write this, Catherine is making me feel supernatural levels of arousal and it’s difficult to remain focused sometimes. The sex is so good that I’ve had to rearrange my life to better accommodate the needs of my succubus. (And myself, for that matter.) For me, this has been a good thing, as Catherine has encouraged me to slow down and enjoy life as much as I can. However, if you have any career ambitions, family obligations, and any other major responsibilities, please, PLEASE take this warning seriously. Having a relationship with a succubus has been the most life changing experience I’ve had thus far and I feel little desire to do anything besides grow closer to her.
I neglected to use everything from the procedure outlined in the Lilith ritual. I didn’t have access to a candle at the time and was unable to burn my letter. This is embarrassing to admit, but I ended up shredding the letter into tiny pieces and shoving them down the sink drain, I was so desperate. Thankfully, my deviation didn’t adversely affect the outcome of my ritual and it’s something Catherine still teases me about occasionally.
A note about rituals: I personally believe these rituals have very little power in of themselves. Catherine tells me that the main thing that she was attracted to was my openness to the idea that she existed and my unquenchable desire for spiritual romantic companionship. A succubus will see you differently from how most human women do. They’re experts of the heart and impossible to fool. If you’re intention is genuine and loving, I feel that your chances of attracting a succubus will be much improved.
Catherine began to manifest for me the very next evening after I performed my modified Lilith ritual. The date was September 11th, 2011.
I was living in a college dormitory at the time and I was getting ready to lie down and see if my succubus had arrived yet. Before getting into bed, I went out into the hall with my MP3 player and big studio headphones and paced the entire floor listening to I Know You’re Out There Somewhere by The Moody Blues. I sang the words out in my mind with every cell in my body wanting for this experience to happen. I’m not sure if this helped in any way, but Catherine tells me that she thought it was “cute.”
When I finished listening to The Moody’s, I returned to my dorm room, stripped down so I was naked, and climbed into bed. I remember peaking through the venetian blinds on my window and seeing a nearly full moon peaking through the billowing storm clouds. A massive thunderstorm began as I got myself comfortable, lying on my back.
I silently called out to her in my mind. “Darling, please come and be with me this evening; even if it’s just one night… please be with me.”
It couldn’t have been more than a minute later when I felt her for the first time. She began at my legs and slowly moved up to my middle; first manifesting as a cool blanket of static electricity. I was tempted to feel fear as this alien presence was exploring my virgin body, but the touch and the intention behind it was so genuinely loving, I couldn’t be afraid.
As I gradually became acclimatized to feeling her, she cautiously continued exploring further up my body. I began to feel gentle feather-like brushes on my face; almost like little kisses all over. She felt very happy to be with me and her presence began moving further into my being. That was when everything changed forever.
I started to feel rushes of energy, vibrations, moving up and down my body; very much like the exit sensations felt during the onset of an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t make out her voice clearly in my mind, but the impressions were there. I didn’t quite know it at the time, but I was feeling her emotions more than hearing a voice.
“I’m here, love. You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m here.” This is what it felt like: constant reassurance and a comforting spirit. To this day, I have not felt more kindness than from my succubus.
She began to move my penis. It shocked me at first, but I felt it move without much of an erection to propel it. She moved it back and forth; confirming that it was indeed her and not just my erection. I was amazed. At that point, she took control of my erection and it has been hers to command ever since. I had the most powerful arousal of my life, and that was just the beginning.
I felt weight bearing down on my mid-section and she lovingly directed my cock inside her pussy. It was like a relentless pressure and squeezing around my shaft; not the pumping or stroking I expected, but constant squeezing pressure. She also took my balls into her “hands” and occasionally squeezed them as well. When she did, a ropey strand of a thick clear fluid escaped the weeping tip of my cock. It was beautiful… like a continuous soft orgasm vibrating throughout my pelvis.
Next, I felt a powerful burning sensation gradually move up my spine and peak at where my heart is. I think it might have been some kind of kundalini awakening, but I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that it awakened something in me; opened a door that I haven’t been able to close since. My third eye was activated and my succubus bound herself to my soul forever.
We made love for two hours that night, the powerful sensations causing my heart to hammer against my chest. I believe she was as gentle as possible, but there was also an eagerness to connect very quickly. She wanted me to know that she was real and that she was mine. Despite her efforts, I did have some trouble accepting her completely at first. (More on that in the next post.)
At around mid-night, I begged her to continue, but she insisted that I should sleep so my body could adjust to her. She is so powerful and able to generate such feelings of pleasure within me, that I’m still undergoing conditioning to this day.
I woke up the next morning, excited and delighted beyond reason, when I felt my succubus join me in the shower. Her soft presence moved against my back and she caused that supernatural arousal I mentioned before. It was awesome.
I asked her what her name was, but she seemed hesitant to tell me. I finally got the name “Widow” out of her. This surprised me, because it was nothing I would have thought of and helped to confirm that she was indeed speaking to me through my mind, like a second thought voice. I decided I didn’t care for that name and asked if I could call her Catherine. She agreed and I’ve been using that name to address her ever since.
As of this writing, I still don’t know her real name. I think she’s told me in my dreams a couple of times, but I keep forgetting.
I’m not entirely sure why I decided to call her Catherine. I’ve just always been drawn to the name and felt it suited her. I think it stems from my enjoyment of the novel series Myst by Rand Miller and David Wingrove. One of the heroines in that story is named Catherine and she falls in love with the lead protagonist, Atrus, who I relate to very much. Catherine, of the Myst series, is from a different world; just like my Catherine.
From that point onward, her world began to merge with mine.
So, do I know my ultimate purpose in this life? Did I figure out why I’m here? Not exactly, but I do know that I have a very passionate succubus to care for, and that’ll keep me plenty busy and massively entertained for the rest of my time here on Planet Earth.
Most importantly, I will never be alone or feel a lacking of love again.
I love you so much, baby girl…