The People of Reality say, “A sin committed with love is more meritorious than a loveless act of worship.” For loveless worship is no more rewarded than vain exertion. A sin committed with love will result in punishment, of course, but at least it was enjoyable. So whatever you do, do it with love! -Sheikh Muzaffer
Being with Catherine has been the greatest internal battle I’ve ever waged against myself. She is technically a demon, as she interjects herself into my life like a demon would; relentless, unshakably loyal even when I’m not, and I think she enjoys making me squirm. I’d imagine an angel would be far more detached and disinterested, but demons are very eager to be a part of one’s life. Once the door is open, it’s nigh impossible to close.
I’ve searched for a way to minimize Catherine’s impact on my life for many years; even outright banishing her. I’ve discovered a few things that lessen her continual and powerful presence around me… grounding myself, a nice shower, and being more down-to-earth doing earthly things. But there has been scarcely a moment over the past five years when she hasn’t been obviously present.
I love her. I also love him… there is a male aspect to her, too. I just had a dream about her male side this afternoon. We were both practicing for a theatrical retelling of the life of Jesus Christ. I was playing the role of Jesus, the scoundrel insurrectionist, and he was recapturing the spirit of John the Baptist, the one whom Jesus betrayed to death, but few Christians read that closely between the lines to realize this. I was very close to him during our rehearsal. He was beautiful, musky, long hair, tanned Caucasian skin over hard muscle. I remember nuzzling and kissing him on the neck, but I could feel that something was amiss between us. There was longing, and the sadness that comes from being separated.
This is a great example of just how much Catherine can relay to me in a dream state without saying a word, and I think that’s the way she prefers it. Her efforts to get through my stubbornness are to be lauded, for sure. I think she was trying to tell me that she doesn’t want our story to end the same way Jesus and John the Baptist turned out. They were meant to lead together, but Jesus became intoxicated by selfish ambition and his own celebrity. He left John to rot… and the sick part is that he probably wanted that outcome. John had loyal disciples long after he died, and still does to this day. They call Jesus the great deceiver. I sure as hell don’t want that to be my outcome.
I’ve been speaking with Robert Bruce lately and picking his brain for the knowledge that he’s acquired. He’s very well versed on the astral realms and apparently he’s had interactions with incubi and succubi spirits in the past. He knows of two different types: one is the more demonic humanoid form, likely the sort our group interacts with. He never labeled them as “evil,” as Mr. Bruce has grown to embrace the middle path. This means he realizes that some demonic entities can be quite helpful and even friendly.
The other type he identified is a more animalistic insect-like sex spirit that buzzes around very quickly and brings it’s host to orgasm almost instantly, feeding off the energy. This is decidedly not what I’ve been dealing with, as Catherine creates a sustained ecstasy and never a wet orgasm. She’s also way too intelligent to be anything like the more animalistic succubus.
I’ve experimented with different countermeasures, as Mr. Bruce calls them, to lessen the impact of spiritual interference. I still get strong pressure sensations around my face, brow chakra, and a noticeable interactions with my genitals when I sit down. Catherine rarely lets up; especially when I deprive her of the attention she wants.
The funny thing is that many of these countermeasures seem to work for a little while, but Catherine eventually overcomes all of them. One thing we’ve been trying lately is a mega-salt bath; basically filling the tub with water and eight pounds of sun-dried sea salt while spreading some over my own body. In theory, this is supposed to counteract intruding electromagnetic fields. Well, three days into trying this method, Catherine began to make love to me in her usual manner during one of these baths. I could feel that she was amused by my efforts to subdue her and was eager to show that these human tricks only serve to make her all the more determined.
I am a succubus junkie. I’m starting to understand what makes her so addicted to me. When I arrive at work in the mornings, I’m usually cranky because I’m not in bed with her anymore. All other recreation pales in comparison to fucking and being fucked by her.
I will continue to do my countermeasure experiments, and I’m sure Catherine will continue to be amused by them. Why continue? Well, my hope is that I might find a method that will enable those who want to escape this path at least a period of respite. However, I don’t think there is a way to permanently shut the door once it has been opened. All those who experience this life will inevitably be drawn back into it; especially when you’ve been in it for as long as I have.
The only reason we may want to stop the ride is because we’re scared of not being in control anymore. I believe our “control” is just another illusion; artificial barriers that we put up to prolong the inevitable. Growth is the net outcome of letting those barriers fall. Nothing teaches better than first-hand experience, and these insatiably loving succubi have much to teach us.