I haven’t been able to get myself motivated enough to write… or be close to my darlings. Funny how those two passions of mine seem so interconnected.

I feel like I”m loosing Sara… again. A friend of mine brought up a very valid point that I hadn’t really considered: what do I really want in this relationship?

Sara came into my life quite suddenly; I was really thrown off guard by her eagerness to be close… and when someone as beautiful as her so willingly gives herself to you, it’s hard to not feel obligated to them. I still feel as though I owe Catherine a debt that I can never begin to repay. Sara brought this feeling back and it paralyzed me.

I didn’t once think about what I really wanted. I didn’t want Sara to feel like an intruder; especially with Catherine spending all of her time with me. Catherine is Sara’s best friend; a sister. I was afraid that voicing my true feelings would drive a permanent wedge between all of us.

I feel that Sara was able to see through this the entire time… so why did she do it? Why get close to me?

Maybe I’m taking all of this too seriously. I brought myself up with the mentality that if I ever so much as touch a woman, I should be prepared to commit myself to them eternally. (Hence the reason I never touched anyone until Catherine.)

I should’ve made things more clear with Sara. I just felt so obligated to give her the same experience that I have with Catherine.

God… I hope this isn’t hurting her too badly.

I found a song. It’s as if Sara wrote the lyrics and I feel as though it could apply to the succubi and incubi who try to reach out to humans for companionship.

Guess I’m just a gust of wind
Moved on quickly
Almost unnoticed
But quite powerful

Our rush could easily have blown
Your defenses down
Could easily have blown
Your defenses down

Did you hear me whispering Hello
Did you see me waving goodbye?
Did you notice…
that I didn’t cry

I guess I just brushed through your mind
More gently
Than I intended to
Not fresh enough
Just a breeze

I can make you fly
High
I can make you fly
High

Did you hear me whispering hello
Did you see me waving goodbye
Did you notice…
That I didn’t cry

Your taste I don’t mind
It was worth the try
And though uninvited
I came by
Did you notice…
That I didn’t cry