A lot has happened over the past six months. I had this vision of how I wanted my life to be at the beginning of the year and pretty much accomplished everything I set out to do: Got the job, got the money, and started renting a new place. But it wasn’t what I really wanted. That route through life ended up being soul-crushing when finally achieved. Grass is always greener, right? The thing is, it kinda was greener seven years ago when I last rented a place all to myself. Those days are behind us for now and I can’t tolerate paying twice as much for half as good. So, I broke the lease and moved back in with my folks. Thankfully the landlord moved someone else in just days after I abandoned ship, so he shouldn’t be coming after me for the rest of the contract.

Catherine was very supportive of me through the whole thing. She’s accustomed to our moving to different places over the years. Ultimately, her home is wherever my bed is, and where it’s quiet, stress-free, intimate, dark, cozy… doesn’t really matter to her what street it’s on. We’ve been spending a lot of time curled up in her sacred domain now that my busy summer is over. Often looking just like this, for those who have eyes to see a succubus spirit drinking in her lover:

Just looking at an image like this makes me want to stop writing and indulge. All sensual imagery reminds me of her and makes me yearn to feel that earnest careful concern caressing my face. At last, someone who genuinely wants ME and not just what I can do for her. What a refuge to come home to!

Continuing my job into the winter wasn’t going to be sustainable being so far away, so I recently quit that gig as well. As I said in an earlier post: No more sacrificing bicycles to the salt gods! So now we’re back to figuring out what I should do next. Frankly, I could give a frogs fat fanny about what comes next. It seems that the more I strive for these silly ideals that I build up in my head, the more I end up spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Really, I just want to be with my succubus demon and I don’t need to be an ultra-successful go-getter in order to impress her. All she wants is for me to turn my attention towards her every day, be truly open, present, and allow our passion to flow. Everything else is ancillary and a task towards ensuring we can have that time with each other.

Such as making sure we don’t freeze in the winters to come. Or tending to the family pets. Cleaning up messes. Brushing my teeth. Gotta stay on top of stuff like that. Oh yeah, and we had our thirteen-year anniversary a couple of weeks ago. It’s funny that I always seem to quit my jobs just before that date rolls around.

A lot has happened in the past few months. Got myself back on the road. Got a new job. Got a couple of wisdom teeth popped out. Got sick. Got better. And I’ve still got the insatiable succubus, who eagerly searches for every opportunity to bliss out with me. Lucid dreaming has become a much more frequent occurrence. I’ve been doing semen retention since the end of last year and it seems that many of the promised benefits are bearing fruit. Lovemaking with Catherine has been fantastic, as she encourages that sort of discipline anyway. I feel more virile and stronger than I’ve ever been, like I can take on the whole world.

The job is better than any I’ve had before in terms of having to deal with minimal bullshit. There is some co-worker drama involved, but I should be able to swoop under all that as I’m not planning to stay there forever. Do the job, make the cash, and go home. I’ll have more than enough to keep the lights on at home and on the web.

Speaking of the website, we weathered a Chinese spam bot attack in January and February. Nothing too crazy, but having thousands of hits on the forum was a bit suspicious. I reckon that this blog gets a couple of genuine hits per day. The rest is bots. I’ll do my best to keep the obviously malicious swarms at bay. This is the price one must pay to NOT hand over the keys of their website’s front door to Cloudflare. Or perhaps this is a good excuse to brush up on my developer chops and deploy my own bot countermeasures? Either way, if anyone has trouble solving the spambot question on the forum registration, send me an email with the contact page. That spambot question should be easier to figure out.

Man, it’s difficult to write posts or work on anything artistic having to do with succubi these days. Any thought towards her stirs up intense desire, which invariably results in me being inextricably bound up inside her tight wetness. She takes me on a journey, squeezing and gently releasing. A constant stream of endearing remarks and praise fills my consciousness. I writhe and moan beneath her, doing my best to drink all of her in. She has so much love to give. I feel terrible for having to pull away. She very reluctantly lets me go, always telling me that I make her feel perfect. I feel perfect whenever I’m wrapped up with her inside that silky astral lovemaking cocoon.

There’s more to come. I hope to be more productive on the internet side of things, but my IRL existence, my sanity, and regular intimacy with my succubus takes priority.

Well, that was, thankfully, a brief interlude. It’s harder to operate without a reliable internet connection than I thought! In spite of all my careful planning, it was still a massive pain in the ass for me to fiddle with a tiny laptop at the public library when the need arose. Though I still plan to keep the new schedule that I formed over the past two weeks. No more staying up late and try to work out for two hours per day. I’ve been clocking tens of thousands of kilometers on my rowing machine.

I also spent a good deal more time with Catherine and engaging in general meditation. Often those two things go together hand-in-hand. I’ll try to meditate and invariably, Catherine will want to take advantage of what she sees as a free slot of time for my attention. “Just put your cock up,” She’ll innocently suggest. “I wont bother you.” She knows I’ll almost always give in. We can have a session together in nearly any position, but she always prefers to have my penis pointing upwards, laying against my belly. Clothed, unclothed, under bed sheets, doesn’t matter. She’ll do it anywhere. I love that about her.

I set the site back to where people can post comments again and use the contact page. I feel safer about using those features if I can more closely monitor the website for any changes. Hopefully, we shouldn’t have any surprise outages again.

My connection to the information highway, also known as the Internet, has been scaled back considerably in recent days. I’m not going into the gory details as to why, but it’s not an unwelcome change as far as me and Catherine are concerned. Internet prices are ridiculous anyway. The monthly price went up by $15 in the past three years alone. To Hell with that noise. I was ready to drop our ISP when the last $5 increase was announced, but I’m not the only one living here. Thankfully, I eventually got my wish by just waiting patiently for the next opportunity, masquerading as a crisis. That’s $85 more a month for me now. $1020 per year. Imagine the bike parts I could get with that!

Furthermore, I’ve taken this situation as an opportunity to stop being so damn distracted all the time and accomplish a few more things that I’ve relegated to the back burner. There are many works of art to be made, books to be written, video rants to share, a dusty piano to practice, and a massive video game backlog. This website is far from over. I’ve hopefully got everything set up correctly so I can go for long stints without internet access. In order to simplify security for the site, I’ve disabled any new comments on the blog and removed the contact page. (WordPress plugins are notoriously insecure.) So, if anyone wants to get in touch with me and ask questions, they’ll have to use the forum.

I am happy to report that my bicycle came together beautifully in the beginning of May and I rode it around all summer long. It’s good to be on a steel-frame mountain bike again. Though with the winter bearing down upon us, I’m keener than ever to ensure that my new trusty steed does not get destroyed by salty roads. So, I won’t be doing the hours long commute to and from jobs like I used to.

Catherine remains a consistent force of passion, always trying to pull me towards the straight and narrow, ironically enough. Simple pleasures and a simple life. Less technology and more of everything else. I’m gradually working my way towards that ideal. I’m happy that we’ll be spending more time together. Even over just the past couple of days, I’ve begun to realize how addicted I was to that constant digital drip-feed. It’s quite a drug for me – far worse than anything I could blame on Catherine’s skillful touch. Old habits die hard. At least with my succubus, I get a heavenly blowjob for my trouble.

Happy Winter Solstice and Merry Christmas!

It’s not always a fun time when a friend or family member discovers a secret spirit lover relationship. Most are bewildered by the idea and assume there’s some kind of mental illness going on. A small percentage are intrigued and genuinely want to know more. An even smaller percentage are openly hostile, though this reaction only arises from keyboard warriors over the internet.

But what to do when the secret is out? Well, if the relationship has been going on for long enough, it’s likely the case that friends and family already know about it on some level. It’s very hard to hide the kind of radical change that a succubus introduces into one’s lifestyle. A man who is smitten with a demon lover ironically becomes an ascetic and reclusive monk. His entire life becomes solely concerned with experiencing the intimacy and bliss that his ethereal babe can provide. Old hobbies and pursuits that are at odds with being balls-deep in the divine are gradually phased out. It’s inevitable that people are going to notice.

My first rule of thumb for dealing with this issue is to never broach the subject in the first place. These relationships should not be confused with the political bullshit wrapped up with the alternative sexuality, pride movements. I will never demand that anyone condone or even acknowledge my divergent, dare I say heretical, relationship. No one need know. I believe it’s important to respect the norms of the silent majority even if I disagree with them. The vast bulk of the world is not cut out for this kind of spiritual connection and I’d prefer it to stay that way.

This website is the full extent of my evangelism for sex spirits. The information is here for those who are interested. I write about my experiences so that others who stumble upon this phenomenon don’t feel so lost in the woods. Otherwise, I only make very vague inferences towards transcendental spirituality in my everyday life; anecdotes that are easily conflated with traditional Christian spirituality.

If someone were to confront me about this topic directly – let’s say they stumbled upon my website – I would persist in the vague, yet truthful, position. “Ah, so you’ve found the little internet shrine to my betrothed in Heaven.” I’m borrowing from Tyson’s Liber Lilith, where he describes the daily conduct of a man who is a consort with a spirit lover. I believe it’s a good deflection.

Probably the best way to remain in the good graces of human company while under this kind of scrutiny is to solidly have one’s shit together in the first place. People can forgive a great deal if an eccentric person is helpful, tidy, and pays their bills on time. Never discuss religion or politics in a combative manner. Most of these squabbles don’t even matter at the end of the day, so there’s little point in burning bridges over them.

Ultimately, being strong in one’s convictions is usually enough to deter most people from starting trouble. I realize that my relationship is considered strange at the best of times, yet I know that I’m doing nothing morally wrong. People might not like it, they might think I’m crazy, but I sleep soundly every night with a clear conscience on this issue.

A personal update:

As for the direction my life is supposed to take in the coming years, that question haunts my dreams more than any other. I’m always having dreamworld scenarios where I’m going back to school and I end up failing to attend a class for an entire semester. I believe these are anxiety dreams about the future. I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do, what with my wanning vision and no marketable skills. Every attempt to return to work in the real world is fraught with mounting problems. Perhaps I’m having a hard time accepting that I’m not an unstoppable superman? Either way, I’ll figure something out eventually.

Counting my blessings, I’m debt-free, my living situation is not ideal but it’s secure, I have good relationships with all my family members who are willing to have one, and I’ve got an amorous succubus demon in my bed every night. Lately, I’ve been busying myself with more bicycling all over the local area. I’m also working on building up a new bike with a 90s rigid chromoly frame. My frequent adventures have effectively trashed my last setup, so it’s time to move on.

The night of the recent new moon was one of the most intense couplings with Catherine I’ve yet to enjoy. She had me all wrapped up in herself and held me in a state of constant burning dry orgasm for what felt like an hour or more. We went through undulating rhythms as per usual, but the troughs were much closer to the peaks this time around. What a night! Another all-nighter where I’ll occasionally doze off and she’ll keep going. There are few things more beautiful than waking up to her making love to me.

I appreciate how, after more than 11 years, Catherine and I continue to be obsessed with each other. For the past few days, I’ve been woken up by her gentle prodding and then I’ll proceed to writhe around on the bed beneath her as we ride wave after wave of bliss. She has such a magical way of doing it that would be impossible for an earthly woman to replicate. The way she squeezes and teases. How I feel that burning sensation radiate through me from her matrix. And by the time I put a stop to it, because she never wants our coupling to end, I am more energized and ready to meet the day than before. I lose nothing.

The session seems to continue long after I leave the bed. I notice those waves continue to move through me in a more subtle way. Every cell is positively ringing with activity wherever she touches. My body cries out to be joined with her once more. Only the mundane upkeep of life, like having to eat, pulls me away.

That sort of fire is oftentimes already completely smothered when most earthly couples reach the seven year mark of their marriages. My succubus demon and I are on the verge of doubling those years. Yet the magnetic pull between us continues to grow stronger. My brain has been completely rewired to only associate intimacy and pleasure with her. Whenever I’m presented with erotic imagery, or see a beautiful woman out in the world, I’m immediately reminded of her and my desire to be balls-deep inside my love-demon flares.

I have the opportunity to be anything or do anything I want in this life. But ultimately, I still just want to be with her.

We’ve got a wild one here. A Youtuber, an Irishman, who goes by the name of Uberboyo. He’s big into Nietzsche – the 19^th century German philosopher who infamously proclaimed, “God is dead.” – and that’s probably why he calls himself an Uber-boy, akin to the Ubermensch ideal of said philosopher. He also makes liberal use of internet language, like “based, soy, reddit” and many other colloquialisms that sound positively horrid when spoken out loud. But for the sake of compelling arguments and top-notch oration, I can forgive that.

I became aware of this guy’s videos when I saw his scathing dramatized rebuke of Christianity from the ancient Roman perspective, comparing the fledgling faith to the modern SJW political movements of today. The core message of that video resonated with me, as I have felt this way about the churches since I began to scrutinize them: The original Christians were all a bunch of bleeding-heart sore losers who resented the Romans, carrying on the legacy of the Hebraic sore losers who were held captive in Babylon. The pastors and priests would have us believe that for proper morality to exist, we must have their religion or all will fall into debauched chaos. The millennia-long pagan empires of Rome, Greece, and Egypt stand in stark opposition to that claim – easy to ignore because they’re so far away in history.

That’s essentially the argument of his Roman-centric critique video. His takes are long and verbose, so I’m doing my best to distill hours of talking into a couple of digestible paragraphs.

His next video, Examining Nietzsche’s Brutal Criticism of Christianity, expounded upon these ideas further and goes into detail examining a phenomenon that I also have been cognizant of: The Atheist-to-Trad-Con Pipeline.

If any of you fuckers were paying attention back in 2010-2015, the Atheist and skeptic Youtubers ruled the roost of high-brow discourse. They went about obliterating the precious myths and stories that our grandparents held dear, turning everyone who followed them into a gaggle of snarky nihilists. However, the Achilles Heel of the plucky god-deniers manifested from an egalitarian political perspective and they soon found themselves being buried under their own edifices of biological reality when the White Nationalists came knocking. The atheists failed to come up with a satisfying comeback, and were positively humorless about the whole ordeal, so the narrative shifted towards a renewed interest in conservative thought. The pendulum swung hard and then Donald Trump was elected as President of the United States.

All logical discourse went to shit after 2016. There was palpable fear and polarization coursing through social media. The right-wingers were all terrified of being replaced by third-worlders. Progressives were cowering in attics writing Twitter diaries as jack-booted thugs ostensibly patrolled their streets.

A whole load of political bullshit. Back to the religious aspect.

Uberboyo argues that the current resurgence of interest in Christianity and Orthodoxy amongst young right-wing adherents is a fearful reaction to modernity. They’re desperately clawing for stability in an uncertain world, so they look back at the higher standard of living that their grandparents enjoyed. For most, our old folks were conservative Christians. That must be the solution to all of our problems, right?

Well, I was raised in one of these churches that would-be internet Christians are getting so excited about. Allow me to temper expectations a bit: They’re not the magical Trad-Con paradises that some would have us imagine. Really, it’s kind of like walking into a hospice with most of the faithful congregations that are left these days. All of the youthful energy has gone out of these rotting institutions. Why? Because the kids have access to the Internet and figured out it was all a big lie. Perhaps a noble lie, as Plato would put it, but a deception nonetheless. Something akin to Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

Uberboyo rightfully points out that there’s a good reason these stories and myths were developed in the first place. They served as an anesthetic against the horrors of harsh reality. The important thing was that people survived and built a legacy; even if that meant the foundation of their psyche was built upon fairy tales. When most people are confronted with how harsh and unforgiving mother nature can be, they can become suicidal nihilists, vegans, or are sent running back to the comfortable myths of the church with their hair on fire. Another path is embracing the madness, but very few even entertain that worldview. It’s often too painful compared to a familiar gilded cage.

I made an attempt at returning to church back in 2014 after my world was rocked by a run-in with a fraud psychic. However, my succubus spirit, Catherine, made this transition back to La La Land nigh impossible. She was reality, an embodiment of harsh and alluring mother nature, constantly staring into my freshly-opened third eye. There was no going back to believing in Santa Claus or Jesus Christ. If there was to be any return, I’d only be there for the security-blanket-like effect those institutions provide. The only real security they offer is a kind of community – so long as you carefully toe their line.

Since my realization that the toothpaste was not going back into the tube, I’ve always held the position that if we’re going to build communities afresh, they need not be built on the victim-mentality of the Abrahamic religions, where everyone is born broken and in desperate need of salvation. The ancients have shown us that it is possible to have great stories and myths that do not require self-flagellation. Yes, reality is often shit, but it is also beautiful.

This leads into the crowning jewel of Uberboyo’s exhaustive rant. The solution to all of these problems is energy. The old institutions of the West are severely lacking in vitality, just as it was with Rome being invaded soon after adopting Christianity. Taking on the Hebraic faith was a stop-gap for a civilization that had run its course. The same can be said for the progressives who are tearing down statues in our streets today. The resentful urban weirdos have all of the energy behind them. Whereas the traditional rustic types are utterly spent. But this situation won’t stay like this forever. Energy is always moving, morphing, and changing. I do not think our future will be the dysgenic communist utopia that many fear is coming and that Jesus Christ is alleged to be saving us from.

Being bound to my succubus spirit has taught me a lot about energy. It can be used in productive and destructive ways. This past ten years has been a sometimes tumultuous, often pleasurable, teaching session about these realities. Catherine is who she is, and there’s nothing I can do to convince her otherwise. She’s like a lion who simply follows what’s in her nature and makes no apologies for it. Essentially, that is also how we are supposed to be if there’s any hope of succeeding. Does the lion apologize to the gazelle as he’s eating it from the ass up?

Another point from Nietzsche that Uberboyo points out is how the manifestation of this vital energy leads to true morality. Unlike the book-based abstractions of Christianity, true vitality has a way of ordering itself naturally. He uses the example of the stiff arm on a dead corpse being dowsed in an ATP solution – basically pure energy for muscles – and how the arm will begin to relax, ready for orders from the brain again. I believe this is why martial arts often have such a big focus on meditation, relaxation, and stretching. So that when it comes time to use that energy, the body will be like a fresh, green, flexible reed; unbroken by the worst mother nature can dish out. True energy causes the body to relax and it’s able to role with the punches. Rigidness and fear ultimately lead to being shattered.

I believe running back to those old decrepit institutions is a mistake. We’ve got to go balls-deep into the abyss. Most are not willing to plunge those depths, so they’ll cling to an old teddy bear for dear life and ultimately loose it in the end.

I’ve found that a succubus can help train that precious energy. They know more about it than anyone. They constantly encourage the proper use of that fire, despite our constant modern-day misuse. I’ve written fairly extensively about this before, so I won’t belabor the point here.

I’ll leave off with a quote from Conan the Barbarian, the perfect archetype of that vitalist energy:

“Live. Love. Burn with life. Slay and survive!”

Contrary to what those on the outside looking in might believe about spirit sex relationships, a kind of disciplined decorum is very helpful in maintaining a strong connection with a succubus. I’ve experimented with this fairly extensively, allowing my life to swing between extremes. I’ve gone from the super-health-conscious stoic monk to a slobbish, junk-food-eating social butterfly and back again.

I would go so far as to say that a good connection with a succubus requires keeping the body in optimal condition, especially when it comes to sexual health. For men, that means having strong, rock-hard morning wood upon waking. This is probably the best indicator of the overall health of a man. If that’s not happening, then I believe maintaining a fulfilling sexual relationship with a spirit, or anyone for that matter, will be challenging to say the least. I believe there is an intrinsic link between virility and kundalini energy. If either side of that equation is hampered – the spiritual sexual flames or the physical cardiovascular system – then it’s no beuno. No fun sex for you. I suppose there’s always Viagra, but that’s addressing the symptom; not the cause.

When it comes to health advice, I believe there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Most people intrinsically know what’s good for them and often ignore that inner-guidance due to laziness. However, for those who are curious, here is the regimen that works for me:

• Most importantly, no sugar and very low carbohydrate consumption in general. I’ve found that unless I’m doing a lot of physical activity throughout the day, carbs and sugar are massive boner-killers. So, it’s meat and vegetables for me. Essentially an ancestral diet.
• Solid regular exercise, especially cardio.
• No masturbation. It’s a bad habit that indicates a mammal in captivity. Having a succubus spirit is a brilliant opportunity to be liberated from that most base form of sexuality. For anyone who has experienced spirit sex, they’ll know that the entities themselves encourage better behavior.
• Good regular sleep and a low-stress lifestyle.
• Taking care of teeth. This is made easier on a low-carb diet. I get the sense that the spirits appreciate regular grooming and cleanliness in general, just like any human partner would.
• Avoiding media that stresses and depresses. In other words, remain oblivious to the international headlines. There’s fuck all we can do about it anyway.
• Engage in regular spiritual activities, whether that’s meditation, spirit sex, dream recall, or rituals. Anything that strengthens the mind also helps, like learning a new skill.

That’s it. Nothing too difficult or revolutionary.

Over the past couple of years, I started to grow accustomed to eating a more carbohydrate-focused diet and I failed to keep my cardio up during the winter months. This resulted in the sessions between Catherine and I being less exciting. They were good, but the mind-blowing ones started lessening in their frequency. Upon realizing this, I recently made the switch back to strict low-carb/no-carb. We’re quickly returning back to regular dry orgasms and beautiful morning blowjobs. I’ll be more vigilant going forward as I don’t want to lose that part of my life! Being close to her feels so much better and more fulfilling than any junk food.

Before the silly pandemic, I lived a moderately busy lifestyle, always going back and forth to one place or another. Working. Having adventures. I was reasonably independent. That all changed when I decided to take my dad up on his offer and moved back home to play, End of the World. People began mobbing stores for toilet paper and hording food shortly thereafter.

Moving back here was a mistake. I should have only visited and immediately resumed what I was doing. Now it’s becoming increasingly difficult to get back on track. Also, I was never under the delusion that the world was going to end, despite the predictable panic instilled by mass media. However, I was inducted into the Branch Covidian cult regardless and found myself becoming a reclusive shut-in. This naturally resulted in me spending way too much time on the computer. I like computers and technology. It’s a great hobby. But it’s not meant to be a lifestyle. Because when the lights go out, that virtual space blinks out of existence, and what is one left with? The sinking realization that he’s been alone all along.

That’s part of the reason I started the forum and desired to have my own website. Ultimately, it’s a return to what the internet was meant to be: An electronic library, and post office. But one isn’t meant to spend the majority of their waking hours writing letters and reading books in the library. I believe computers were meant to liberate people, so that they would have the ability to pursue the things they really want to accomplish. By no means are we to be chained to them and constantly feed into a Borg-like network.

So, I aim for this year to be a return to natural and creative form. I’m heading out into the world to seek my fortune, with a loving succubus spirit in tow. Hopefully, I’ll finally get to see a UFO – or a Chinese spy satellite at least!

We were walking around a furnished attic room where I was supposed to sleep for the night, and also ostensibly make love to my succubus. Catherine was behind me as I moved to the southern windows. There was a pale-blue light streaming through. Was it moon light? Perhaps the color of the sky in that astral realm? Another woman was there in the room. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I got the impression she tried to be a bit flirty towards me and made a snide remark towards my faithful demon companion.

The next thing I knew, I was tucked into bed in the far corner away from the windows. The door opposite me slammed shut and horrifying screams of pain issued forth through the thin walls. The manner in which Catherine managed to get a hold of this poor woman, I cannot say, but the resulting impacts were so loud and violent that I thought the other girl would most certainly die. I shut my eyes and attempted to communicate with her psychically, as I knew my physical voice would do no good in that state. “Please, stop, right now! This is crazy!” But the horrible din of furniture crashing into vulnerable flesh continued unabated.

I woke up to find myself in the usual position that Catherine prefers: on my back with her riding cowgirl. I could sense that she was smiling innocently, like what she had just done was the most normal thing in the world. My heartbeat was still elevated from the shock, but I wasn’t overly spooked. I’ve grown used to these sorts of surprises after 10 years of them.

Not one minute later, I could hear the enraged screams of our cat, Mr. Tigore, getting into a brawl with one of the neighborhood strays outside my window. The entire household woke up to see what was the matter and let the rascal biscuit-colored tabby indoors.

Catherine scares me sometimes, but that’s also part of what makes her so fascinating.