First-World Problems

This week has been one of those weeks where Catherine and I just aren’t clicking together so well. It’s like we’re just out of phase and I don’t get much pleasure from sex. I can still feel her very powerfully, but it’s not the kind of feeling I prefer. These periods usually last between one and two weeks.

Reminding myself that our usual bliss is only just around the corner is fundamental to navigating these low points. If I let my mind run wild, I start to think about time being wasted or that the relationship isn’t working. It all boils down to my ridiculous over-the-top mental gymnastics that are devoid of any big-picture concepts, and only appear when I’m frustrated.

She’s as loving and gracious as ever. So understanding and patient, but dear God, does she still crave that closeness! I got woken up with a blowjob this morning, but again, we’re not quite in sync right now, so I accidentally brushed her off. Totally not thinking, me behaving like an animal, but she endures my negligence with the grace of a saint.

I sat down for breakfast and I felt her quietly press into me and offer her usual morning kisses. I barely took any notice, this is so normal for me now. I shudder to imagine what would become of me if she were to disappear for a few days. I’d be like a lost puppy.

I take so many things about our relationship for granted, and then I go into a tizzy about things not feeling “quite right.” Many men go their entire lives without feeling that touch of genuine concern, and here I am complaining about something so temporary.

So, here I am, trying to galvanize myself with this writing. These are first-world, no… supernatural-breakaway-civilization-world problems. All of my needs are so totally and utterly provided for, it makes me feel guilty sometimes. All I really have left to do is be more gracious and generous towards others, and especially towards Catherine.

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4 thoughts on “First-World Problems

  1. i was thinking this while reading and in our private conversations the mental problems you have with her do you think she puts some in your head to overcome it and the down peroid do you think she is purposely doing it to teach u something and in 10 years you’ll go oh thats what and why you were doing it i get it now

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    • I can only speculate as to why she does the things she does. All I know is that she’s becoming more powerful in my life with each passing month, despite the occasional low-points in our connection.

      I think it’s also possible that she’s responding to my desire for a bit less interactivity from her, because I sometimes complain about being overwhelmed by her increased presence. Then shortly after, she goes full-bore again to push our newfound threshold of tolerance.

      Either way, I think I’m being trained to withstand loads of her energy on the physical plane. She wants me to experience what she feels, and it seems to take a great deal of spiritual exercise to reach those heights.

      Maybe we’ll keep growing like this forever? I’d be cool with that.

      I’m also elated that I get to experience actual tangible interaction in a fully awake and conscious state. There’s nothing nebulous or spiritual-new-age-woo-woo about the physical results. This is an everyday thing for us, and it’s crazy, but it’s also awesome on so many levels.

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