Here is a summary of the health problems I’ve had over the past nine years since Catherine arrived:

– Muscle twitching and cramping from the psychic attacks in 2014. Still somewhat present in right shoulder to this day.
– Nerve damage to my left foot, from walking too many miles with a shoe that didn’t fit right. That foot still gets a little numb after 20 minutes on the rowing machine.
– Bed bug infestation of new apartment in 2016. Thankfully eradicated in two months under my own steam and didn’t bring any of the blood suckers along with me when I moved out.
– Parasite infection of the intestines, probably from drinking and eating too much fermented food. I brewed my own kombucha for awhile and drank too much of it.
– Development of allergies alongside the parasite infection. Never had them before.
– Thinning and receding hair. Probably just genetic.
– Chipped a bottom molar tooth. Had to get a root canal for it and ended up redoing all fillings. Got rid of all mercury amalgams. Cost over $10,000 USD for dental work.
– Switched my diet to low-carb/paleo and that knocked out the parasite infection. Teeth are no longer sensitive to hot and cold. Still have allergies, though.
– An inexplicable eczema rash developed on my left arm when I moved to Georgia with my friends. I also had acne showing up on the posterior of my forearms. I suspect it had something to do with the food I was eating there. Bad ground beef maybe? On the plus side, allergies dried up.
– Large floater appeared in working left eye. This is thankfully largely invisible as of right now. (The other eye has been blind since birth.)
– Severe nerve compression in my hands due to bad bicycle fit, working in freezers, and just biking around 100+ miles per week.
– Forearm acne went away after returning to New Hampshire. Still have the rash. Allergies worsened due to mold in Dad’s house. I Should probably get an air purifier.
– I am currently jobless, a thousand miles from my friends, and living on disability money from Social Security.
– I feel demotivated and disenfranchised in general and use intimacy from Catherine to anesthetize myself against my present situation.
– My family life hasn’t been healthy for the past couple of years. A lot of horrible events came to a head, resulting in the entire clan being further divided and shamed by the media. Rightfully so, in my opinion.

Wow. Putting this all together paints a not-so-great picture. Granted, pretty much all of this can be explained through natural causes or coincidence. However, I don’t believe in coincidences. I understand this reality through the lens of synchronicity. What I see from this collection of problems is the result of loosing my original mission, my initial religious calling in life. With my original spirituality destroyed, I dove head-first into new realms of supernatural inquiry, where I discovered my succubus spirit. She gave me everything I wanted, further cementing my disenfranchisement with the world. The physical body follows in the direction of the metal state, so cracks began to form over time.

It would be easy to pin all of this on Catherine. Part of me feels that resisting her actually makes me more healthy, but that could just be my mindset being galvanized by a renewed sense of purpose. That’s the crux of the problem: Purpose. What am I here to do? What can I do that would bring about the most good? Is there any cause in this life that isn’t an illusion or based on lies?

This year has been a lesson in not waiting for that purpose to arrive of its own volition. I need to make it happen and forge a new path into realms unknown. This requires work. But who wants to work when the pleasurable delights of a loving succubus spirit are so readily available? The past decade has been a veritable test of self-mastery against overwhelming pleasures. I may have made a bit of progress in that endeavor, but not nearly enough.

Here’s what I think I need to do:

– Use Catherine’s intimacy as a reward for making progress, and not indulging escapism.
– Forge a renewed sense of purpose through iron will.
– Conduct regular energy work sessions to address long-standing blockages.
– Keep listening to the Hemi-Sync tapes, even though the resonant tuning exercise freaks me out.
– Get some coal tar soap for the rash and an air purifier for my room.

If I can stay on my purpose, I believe improved health will follow suit. Blaming the devil, or Catherine, or the state of society for my shortcomings is absolutely the wrong mindset. Being with Catherine has opened up all kinds of opportunities and she has never prevented me from doing all that I want to accomplish. I’ve simply been using my succubus’ gifts unwisely for quite some time. Given how amazing she feels, overusing those carnal delights is not difficult in the slightest.

Rafe, from A Succubus Loves Me, found the featured image above. Also, a new blog, Succubi Thoughts, has appeared!