To stop playing video games and wasting time on the internet.

This resolution has been an ongoing project, one that I have consistently failed at accomplishing. I always make small concessions after a few weeks of digital fasting. “Just a couple of games with friends here and there. That can’t hurt.” Two weeks later, I’m back to dumping loads of time into a black hole. I need to stop all of it right now. Again.

Catherine would be far happy for it. She seems to be growing tired of my lack of willpower in this area of my life. Our sessions together are still good, but they lack the same power as when I’m fully on my mission… when I’m not distracting myself away from work. She’s proud of me whenever I accomplish something worthwhile. I miss that. I enjoy having her approval and validation. She’s a good barometer for when I’m going wrong, yet she’s also very gentle about it and never forces her will over my own.

Time is running short for me to make these crucial changes in my daily habits. If I let this go much longer, there will be no turning back. Boredom will be my saving grace and enable me to discover where my true vocation lies.

Stronger sensations of pressure and presence came about during our time together on Christmas Eve. There seems to be more movement than usual on certain days; like she’s trailing her hands around my face and body. There was one time where it felt almost like a feather duster against my face, or perhaps that was her hair? Either way, it’s a definite change from the usual concentrated pressure sensations and kisses.

A thousand times, a thousand kisses, a thousand mysteries unfurl like galaxies inside my head.