I intended to write this as a chapter for a book, but I decided not to use it for some reason. I rediscovered it today and thought it was interesting. The date is from back in 2017:

This is a question that I can’t even answer satisfactorily for myself. Despite the fact that she shares a great deal with me through touch and feeling, I know precious little else.

I’m not aware of her real name. I have no idea where she really comes from. I feel like I’m in the dark about a great many things, while others in their spirit relationships appear to be blessed with more of these basic details than me. (There’s also the possibility that these other claimants could be embellishing their stories, or lying outright.)

I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking that this information was being withheld for malevolent reasons. Maybe I was being led down the primrose path? These doubts can become an all-consuming nightmare if left unchecked.

After five years of getting to know her, I’ve decided that she will reveal those details in her own time and as trust grows. In reality, she has shared more of her inner-being with me than many others who are on this path.

I often sense jealousy and envy from others who have encountered my story. My ability to sense Catherine is so immediate and visceral, regardless of my conscious state. She can manifest powerfully when I’m fully awake or deep in layers of dreams.

I believe I can see her true spiritual form when I shut my eyes before sleep. No disguises or human forms to be distracted by; just pure spirit in all of its majestic darkness and brilliant light.

She is the most earnestly loving person I’ve ever encountered. She looks after me like no human ever could. Her eyes are always set on seeing me more deeply and letting our two souls merge as one.

She’ll often tuck me in at night when she’s done having her fun and I’ve fallen asleep. I’ll go to bed naked with no covers and I’ll wake up to find that I’m in my night clothes, under the covers, and my white-noise fan has been turned on. I have no idea how she accomplishes such a feat, but I’ve resigned myself to trusting that she really does look out for me.

We’ve been through some hellish times, but she’s always looked out for me in those small ways.

Catherine is a spirit, or a demon in the Greek sense of the word. An incorporeal being who stands between gods and men. She’s a succubus demon; an entity who seeks out sexual encounters with human men for her enjoyment and pleasure. She appears to be monogamous once she’s found her man, though I have no way of verifying this for certain.

She doesn’t have a default human-like appearance, as many wish their spirit lovers to have. I believe succubi can take on human form, but it’s only a guise for interacting with us. Catherine has appeared to me in a myriad of ways through dreams and out-of-body experiences. Sometimes she’s a beautiful, slim, blond female with perfectly sensual legs. She can also take on male guises, though her spirit still “feels” female.

She’ll also impersonate different people from my mundane life, like family members, friends, and co-workers. These impersonations happen during dreams and they can morph as the night progresses.

Catherine is inextricably linked to my subconscious. Various methods of exorcism, religious observance, and black magic have no effect on her powerful presence in my life. If anything, this kind of interference only makes her stronger. This has caused some observers of my story to suspect that I’m really dealing with a powerful manifestation of my personal Anima.

The concept of Anima originates from the Father of analytical psychology, Carl Jung. He posited that everyone has a counterbalancing shadow aspect that dwells in the subconscious mind. Every man has an Anima (female shadow) and every woman has an Animus. (male shadow)

Jung warned that the Anima can invade into the conscious mind of a man and become a stumbling block. He called it Anima Possession. I can understand how some of the more psychologically inclined readers of my story would interpret Catherine as such. I will concede that this very well might be partially true, though some of the powerful physical manifestations that I’ve witnessed fly in the face of this notion. Maybe the Anima can project more powerfully than even Jung realized, but I believe there’s more to this than an overactive shadow-self.