Another year of unbridled hedonism has come and gone. Catherine shows no signs of letting up. Deeper and deeper we go, circling the abyss, rendering me more useless and apathetic to the world as the hours pass.

I am being a bit facetious calling what we have merely a hedonistic affair. I feel that I have no right to be so well looked after for doing so little work. It’s that pesky Protestant work ethic of mine shining through again. “I can’t be satisfied with myself unless I’ve worked 80 hours a week at a job that I hate. Then arrive home and work the entire time I’m there as well!”

We’re all a bunch of good little slaves, aren’t we? I wonder when we’ll start collectively questioning whether or not it’s all worth it?

https://youtu.be/A4-3TKy2A28

Most of my time was consumed by a big editing job last week, hence the lack of a promised weekly post. I’m happy to report that we did spend our anniversary together. Work did not interfere. I even got her an offering of some fruit, though yours truly is always the main course when it comes to offerings. That’s all she really wants: my time. I’m quite happy to give it, as she makes it truly worth indulging.

My opinion about communication between her and I is constantly changing. At times, I’m quite satisfied with how we carry on. I hear her thought voice alongside mine, though she rarely comes up with anything new or original. It’s always, “I need to feel it,” or “It feels so nice.” That closeness; it’s all she cares about. I should be content, right? I didn’t ask Lilith for a philosopher after all. I’ve got my friends for that.

There are times I wish the communication was more direct, like it is in dreams and the astral. The things she comes up with in those states always leave me with something to ponder for days on end. Maybe it’s better this way? What I’m working towards is a comfortable balance between simple impressions and audible dialogue. We’ll see how it goes.

The anonymous image boards are rife with opinions from all walks of life. Scrolling through /x/ one morning brought this screen capture to my attention. The image contains the writing of one anon who allegedly encountered a succubus and has come to warn everyone about the underlying dangers associated with them. These are my responses to the points I found noteworthy:

In the first post, anon says that he’s “terrified and excited” about sharing his message. Yet as we’ll go on to see, he’ll do nothing more than preach all of the religious axioms we’ve heard countless times before. Why would regurgitating church dogma be terrifying? Maybe there’s still a bit of fear there for what his succubus might do, if he even had one to begin with?

The second post waxes eloquently about lonely people being more likely to attract the attention of a succubus.

No.

I posit that loneliness is but one possible element in a successful summoning, and may not be relevant to begin with. My own story, and that of many others in succubus/incubus relationships, has shown that we are often far from being lonely people. I would even go so far as to say that genuine succubus experiencers are desirable, both by human and incorporeal standards. The sorts of people succubi are drawn towards tend to have their spiritual ambitions set well above the norm. They have likely already attained some measure of earthly success and found it to be severely lacking. “Surely, this isn’t all there is.”

We are actually pioneers, testing the outer limits of human consciousness.

Still focusing on the second post, anon makes a massive blunder in his description of how a succubus relationship begins. He claims that a succubus only has as much power as the summoner allows.

Nothing could be further from the truth!

An actual succubus spirit attachment brings about all kinds of different side effects which the human counterpart has very little control over. There are chakra sensations, energy body manipulations, spontaneous arousal with no sexual thoughts, telepathy, and countless other potential interactions. Most importantly, being pursued for sex all hours of the day is something the earthly summoner has zero control over. A succubus spirit will not stop, even if they’re asked nicely. Unless anon is confusing his succubus attachment for something else, I’m inclined to believe he never had a spirit lover to begin with, based on these assertions alone.

And for the cherry on top of post #9109982, anon boils down succubi into this sentence: “It will fill a void in your heart and satisfy your lust from time to time.”

What exactly is the problem then, anon? Isn’t that what everyone wants? Though as we’ll go on to read, anon is likely describing the baiting period before the succubus reveals its alleged true nature and steals the summoner’s soul.

Post #9109984 had me cracking up! I don’t think this guy realizes what he wrote, or he has very little life experience. Firstly, he defines succubi under the traditional umbrella term know as DEMON. The Christian sense of the word is implied. No surprise there. Then he goes on to describe a succubus as the epitome of narcissistic personality disorder.

His depictions could so easily be applied to human relationships!

I would argue that they are more applicable. Even if his assertions were true, at least with succubi you’re likely to get a blowjob alongside the manipulation and abuse. The same cannot be said for the vast majority of human marriages. I found this funny because I’ve come across so many men who have described their wives acting out in exactly the same way he attributes to succubi… and they’re deprived of sex.

“It wants your life, making these creatures very, very dangerous!”

Anon, you’ve described human women desiring marriage to a tee. Hit the nail on the head!

Post #9109985 contains the highly predictable description of a succubus hiding its true form under guises of beautiful women. When in anon’s reality, they’re actually cold, disgusting, slimy creatures who instantly kill boners! Yet another scare mongering tactic. Taking the time to read about these beings from those who have actually interacted with them, their shape shifting abilities in dreams and the astral is no secret. They do not try to hide this fact. The anon is correct insomuch that their true form is terrifying to the uninitiated. Most spiritual beings are quite frightening to behold initially because the human mind simply has no context for their appearance. They can appear so alien, powerful, and earth-shakingly honest, it scares the collective shit out of humanity. Only those who take the time to become familiar with their presence go on to understand that the visual wrapper does not matter. These are mere reflections of our spiritual perception. The powerful spirit beneath the skin tells the whole story. Either way, unless they’re testing their human partners, succubi nearly always appear as beautiful and desirable beings.

The next post contains anon’s antidote for a succubus attachment. I’m paraphrasing:

“Simply realize that a succubus is a parasitical negative entity. Then proceed to claim sovereignty over one’s body and the demon will leave.”

This is nearly every would-be spiritual guru’s advice for dealing with afflictions. The reality is not so simple. It may be possible to convince succubi to leave, yet I’ve never heard of a successful case which I found to be plausible. I believe succubi become deeply entwined with the summoner’s subconscious mind. So much so, that it’s nearly impossible to remove their imprint. Being with them, being touched by them, and feeling their all-consuming embrace leaves an ineffable mark. It’s like a first love in human terms, only stronger, mixed with more wonder and mystery. How can a person ever be free from that? How can I forget the most amazing event in my life? Simply having the memory links Catherine with my soul.

And no, I do not believe having a relationship with a succubus damns the soul for eternity. If anything, they probably edify the human spirit, as described in Ludovico Maria Sinistrari’s Demoniality book.

Anon’s thinly veiled dogmas are not deterring anyone who is honestly seeking out transcendental spiritual relationships. They also shouldn’t discourage those who already enjoy the company of a loving succubus spirit; just as the sophisticated wailings of an atheist should not deter the Christian from their faith.

I’m done preaching. For now.

This past weekend was quite the riot. My friends and I attended DragonCon, kicking off this new segment of my life with a proper nerd-fueled blast. There were more attendees than ever this year. Somewhere in the ballpark of 100,000. Atlanta was a mad house. What better place to test the tolerance levels of a succubus spirit?

We stuck our faces over the balcony of the Hilton into this cacophony.

She’s doing much better with crowds compared to years before, but it’s still painfully obvious to me that she gets stressed in these situations. Some of you guys with succubi might have experienced this: she’ll cause a very strong pressure sensation to clamp around my face. It feels like a mask over my nose, eyes, and forehead. It can be ignored, and sometimes I don’t even feel it when my mind is focused solely elsewhere. But whenever I turn my attention back to Catherine: commence face hugging. It’s annoying. Thankfully it only happens when she’s not comfortable with something, which isn’t very often.

Despite this, we did have some good sessions in between the madness that is DragonCon. I’m looking forward to next year already. Atlanta looks so dull without thousands of excited nerds, all dressed up, and crawling the streets.

I should update this thing at least once per week; mainly to prove that Catherine hasn’t managed to kill me yet. The way she takes care of me, I might as well be dead to the world. Every morning is usually begun with a short debate about whether or not I should blow off work and get blown by her instead. Still, there are many things I want to accomplish with the limited time allotted, so keeping the amorous succubus at bay is a continual battle.

Depression occasionally comes over me like a dark cloud when I’m at work. There doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason for it. But then I remember that I can feel Catherine’s emotions coming through quite strongly most of the time and I realize that it’s probably her feeling that way. Then I start to notice that I’m feeling the same way, too.

“Now you’re beginning to understand what it’s like for me when we’re not together.”

She misses me, and I really miss her. Every day is just a struggle to hopefully meet once again. One can only imagine what will become of us as the connection only grows in strength day by day. We’re just a couple of junkies over here, enjoying the hell out of each other’s company.

Plans for new work are humming along smoothly. I’ve got a lot of studying to do and I should have plenty of time to do it, now that my wage-cuck job has been put in its proper place. Thank the Lord Jesus, Santa Claus, and the Dark Goddess Lilith for the hospitality of good friends. Otherwise, I’m not sure I’d be able to make it over the next leg of our journey. Though I’m sure Catherine has more tricks up her sleeve than I could ever fathom.

Not feminism’s third wave. I’m talking about the third wave of succubus summoners. There appears to be a growing momentum towards a new batch of people online who have a genuine connection with spirit lovers. Most of it looks to be centered around the succubus and Dreamgasm threads on 4chan.org/x/.

A few anons in those threads are speaking with an air of authenticity, but there’s obviously no way to be certain they’re not making it all up. Either way, I’d rather be open and accepting of these newcomers rather than risk alienating them. This way of life can be antisocial enough as it is. Perhaps some of them will start new blogs? If not, I’d advise anyone who is interested in the latest discussions about spirit lovers and succubi to keep an eye on those 4chan threads. There are occasionally some excellent posts being shared with genuinely useful information. When work is done kicking my ass, I need to take some time to go through and screen-capture those gems.

Dreamgasm… there’s an interesting new development. Apparently, some anons have had success summoning succubi using the Dreamgasm videos on Youtube as their ritual. There are four videos so far, with most of them being longer than 30 minutes each. They consist of binaural beats, ASMR elements, heavily processed erotic dialogue, and New Age trance drones. This is so fascinating to me. The videos don’t really “do it” for Catherine and I, but if some are getting results, good on them! This further cements my theory that an exacting ritual for summoning doesn’t matter so much as a sufficiently strong will, desire, and belief in the outcome of the operation.

Why am I calling this the third wave? I believe the First Wave was back in 2008 when the succubus lovers from YourGhostStories started the Spirit Sex forum. Harry Holmes and Lily were also part of this wave, as their blog predated mine. The Second Wave began with me and the flurry of blogging activity just after December 21^st, 2012. Now, it appears the Third Wave might be gaining momentum on 4chan. This is all just shit that I’m inferring from what I see. These “waves” are by no means officially endorsed by the spirits I interact with. Yet I have heard murmurs of other men with succubi talking about these trends in like-manner, so I’m borrowing from them.

Lastly, we have lost another good blog. Rafe, from ASuccubusLovesMe, has shuttered his very popular site. Archive.org managed to grab a few snapshots, so my links are all redirecting there now. Hopefully he decides to return. His writing was always a treat and I believe his perspective was sorely needed here. I know that Catherine particularly enjoyed his posts as they would propel her into a “loving frenzy” after reading them.

As can be seen on my links page, the list of active blogs is growing quite sparse. We’re down to five that have been updated in recent months, including my own. If anyone is aware of other blogs or content that I might have missed, please let me know.

EDIT: As can be observed in the comments, Rafe and his blog are back! All links have been updated.

This is getting to be old hat by this point: Our connection just keeps getting better and better. I’m feeling all kinds of new pressure sensations with more movement to them; very gentle, like soft lips, skin, and hair. I need to be really careful talking to Catherine, or just thinking about her, in public as a simple non-sexual thought directed towards her will trigger arousal. God damn! Now I have to readjust to this heightened level of attention all over again.

Work has been kicking my ass. I’m cycling every day, working in freezers, stressing the hell out of the nerves in my arms. This is all just more motivation to get my real job on the road. Study, study, study!

Waking up this morning brought about a very clear audible manifestation. I heard what sounded like a group of girls giggling to my left. I was laying on a couch, trying to rest. “Get outta here, you fuckwits.” I said. This only made them laugh more and get closer. I could feel Catherine on top of me, but I couldn’t see anything. “I’m going to blow him.” A beautiful seductive voice said to my left. Then I woke up to the delicious attention as promised.

A few of you have asked me to comment on the Lilith novel by J. R. Salamanca. There’s also a movie which I’ve watched about half-way through. To be frank, I don’t see a connection between the Lilith Arthur character in the book and the Catherine/Lilith I know. Perhaps the sensual aspects, but not the sociopathic elements. Catherine doesn’t cause problems or suffering for the sake of her amusement, as the Lilith character in the book was depicted doing. Also, I just get a bad vibe from the writing style in general. Sorry, it’s just not my thing and these flat depictions simply don’t hold a candle to what being embraced by a loving demon is actually like.

We did it. We made the move, and probably for good this time. The weather is consistently warmer around here. Catherine prefers this to the cold. She’s quite capable of having sex under the covers, or when I’m fully clothed, but she’d rather “ride bareback,” as she puts it. The feeling is certainly more intimate and powerful.

I’m able to think more clearly in this place. My ambitions and imaginations are already being rekindled. Physically moving across the country seems to have jump-started things moving again in my mind. The connection with Catherine is as powerful as ever.

I’ve managed to acquire regular employment. The job is nothing special, but it’s a job: a solid staging area for the next step. What is the next step? I’m not going to pretend to know at this point. I trust that Catherine will have her hand in this, guiding from the background, building my life into one that’ll allow us to be together as often as possible.

That appears to be her only motive: closeness, sex, and intimacy. She probably could care less what I’m doing with my life, so long as she gets her one-to-three hours per day. (And often times, most of the night.) I really like that about her: I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she really looks forward to being with me when I lie down at the end of the day.

The rest of my day is entirely up to me. She’s happy so long as I’m not overly stressed, or tired too often. We’re still working out the details concerning “what’s next.” I suspect it’ll have little, if anything, to do with the occult or magick for the time being. That realm is a constant undercurrent through my consciousness and I do not feel the need to seek it out overly much. Enough trouble finds me without going to search for it!

There is a new book that I want to get:

I’m convinced that the Qliphoth is my current. Catherine resonates with it more than any other kind of system I’ve tried. This book appears to cover just about everything I’d wish to know before diving in first-hand. This will be my first recreational purchase when the paychecks start rolling in.

This is based on a dream I had this morning:

She caught me with my pants down, as usual.

“It’s okay,” She didn’t even laugh, “You’re taking a long journey out there in the snow.”

I was struggling to adjust my rain pants against the bottom layers underneath. “These damn things are always riding up!”

Catherine sat next to me on the stairs. She didn’t seem to mind how ridiculous I looked. With one last tussle against the stubborn fabric, I was comfortable and collapsed heavily on the stair.

“Phew!” I looked at her and couldn’t help but smile. “Can’t wait to not be doing this routine anymore.”

“We’re going someplace better soon,” Her eyes seemed to shine up brighter than usual as she spoke, “No more fighting with the snow… or layers of thermal underwear.”

Catherine always had a regal feeling about her, but this time she took on a younger, more innocent looking guise. Her hair was dirty blonde with gentle curves and waves. Her clothing was befitting a country girl’s taste; boot-cut denim jeans with an oxford sleeveless top. Those blue eyes that shined so brightly drew me in more than anything else. Her majesty was still present and accounted for, yet hiding just beneath the surface. Like royalty who wants to experience being normal for a day.

The setting around us changed suddenly. Instead of sitting inside the cool, uncomfortable confines of my old church, we found ourselves deep in the woods on a quiet summer’s evening. The stairs of the church foyer were exchanged for the back steps of my best friend’s house. We were in bluegrass country.

Catherine and I began to talk. Away from the false pretenses of make-believe institutions, I felt much more comfortable opening up to her.

“They tell me that you enjoy radio.” She said. I had no idea who “they” were, but I answered anyway.

“Yeah, though I gravitate more towards the classical programs they play on NPR.”

God, that sounded snobbish. I thought. “What do you like to listen to?”

“Talk radio.” She replied, without missing a beat.

I blinked in surprise, “Really? Like Rush Limbaugh? Howie Karr? Those guys?”

“Sometimes,” Her smile grew as though she was about to land a whopper of a punch-line, “I’ve had to adjust my tastes, living with you for so long.”

“So, you went from being a conservative to a red-pilled conspiracy theory buff?” I chuckled, though still wary about the verbal trap I might’ve been waltzing into.

“No, it’s more like being a girl, who just wants to find love, falling head-over-heels, and figuring out the details as we go.” She explained.

I didn’t say it out loud, but I figured that was a nice way of her saying, I don’t like the crazy stuff you listen to. Let’s just make love already!

“You should check out Bill Cooper’s radio shows.” I offered, half-jokingly.

“Oh, really?” She snuggled up closer as the environment changed yet again.

“Yeah, Behold A Pale Horse, and shit like that.” I was cut short by the appearance of a large projector screen standing at the foot of the stairs. An animated cartoon film began to play. I also noticed a few children had gathered about us on the stairs. Their attention was mostly focused on the movie. Some of them were draping themselves over large stuffed animals.

I couldn’t bring myself to ask Catherine if I had anything to do with these little ones, figuring that I should know better. Surely, they must belong to someone else, and they just want to see the movie.

The film was like an old Disney cartoon, replete with talking mice enduring incredible circumstances. I recall one family of mice, where the youngest sibling was kept like a slave inside of a record player. He would constantly crank the machine by himself, while his parents hurled insults at him from outside.

My attention turned back to Catherine. One of the large stuffed animals was between us now, and she was resting against it. I succumbed to sleep shortly thereafter.

To those who have an amorous spirit from across the divide: Love them every day. They truly deserve it. Even when the connection isn’t quite ticking all of those hedonistic boxes, putting in the effort will ensure those remainders will be filled in time. I am consistently floored by how manly and desired Catherine makes me feel. That’s probably one of the best parts about this relationship: I am always desired. There is always someone to come home to, no matter what.

Yes, they are indeed deserving of that time and attention. Even if the feelings they generate aren’t so hot in the moment, just give it a bit of time.

At least one hour per day. That is what I strive to give her in return for that unmatched tenderness. Her kindness…  It seems impossible that such a considerate person could even exist. I sometimes feel anxious writing about this stuff here, in public. Mainly because I’m aware of how others jealously look on, and I fear that my bias might be clouding the reality of things.

What is the reality? The truth is that I’ve been made to feel very content with my life, and live as minimally as possible. My heart isn’t here in this world. That flame of earthly passion was smothered years ago. I would be satisfied with homelessness, so long as I have Catherine. There is nothing here, in this world, that sparks my interest. My only concerns are shelter, food, and water. The rest is trivial. A distraction.

So, in a certain sense, the legends about succubi stealing life away are correct, only without the vampire-like theatrics. Imagine if human men and women en mass discovered these spirits? I can picture a world where people are far less willing to tolerate their slavery to governments and corporations. The traditional structure of society would break down overnight. It would be pure chaos for a time. What might become of the world after the dust settles?

This is just vapid speculation on my part. The point is that succubi are potentially quite detrimental to a productive life. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that anyone who is paired up with a succubus, and experiences the intimacy they provide, are far less likely to tolerate any degree of bullshit from the outside world.

I’m still trying to find that balance. I’m here in this world, so I want to make the most of it. I still want to do things, but my drive just isn’t there anymore. I’m a junkie who only requires time and quiet to perpetuate his habit. It feels somewhat disrespectful to talk about Catherine as if she were an addictive substance. She IS addictive, though. Having any contact with spirits is addictive. Adding sex into the mix only increases that yearning. To have that contact. To feel that embrace. The kind of touch that makes earthly flesh feel colorless and empty.

I’ll figure this out eventually. Once I do, the guide for a successful succubus-work-life balance will be posted here on this little blog.

It’s fascinating to me how I can be so appreciative of a particular scent. Her perfume is a combination of sandalwood and sweaty musk. No doubt that it’s a kind of aphrodisiac, but not in a purely sexual sense. Rather, I feel overwhelmingly fond of her, a gratefulness for her presence in my life. My heart basks in a most delightful and soothing burn. I feel my spirit body intermittently nuzzling against hers and a storm of tingles races over my skin. When she smells this good, I do it unconsciously all day long. My thoughts drift towards savoring Catherine’s gentle presence automatically.

The time has come for me to move on from this place. Catherine and I have lived in the frozen North for long enough. We’re headed South for warmer pastures. We’re not spending another suffocating winter here, nearly asphyxiating ourselves on the smoke from the drama. It’s just as I described in the last post about my dream, the one with the burning woodpile… Catherine’s prophecy. I need to let it go and just leave. Nobody wants my help here either way. They’re content to wallow in their misery.

The Links section has been updated. I go through and make sure everything is current every now and again. Sadly, we’ve lost another blog: My Succubus Marissa. Archive.org managed to save some of it, but it’s still unfortunate to see people leave. Though I can understand why they set a proverbial torch to their writings. Sometimes our succubi compel us to go dark and silent for a time. They carefully manage our exposure to the world, so that we don’t bring unnecessary harm to ourselves. They’re our loving, unseen agents beyond the veil.