I’ll try to make this as concise as I can. I’ve done plenty of elaboration in other posts. This is just a fun bullet list idea I had:

Pros:

Constant companionship. You are never alone. (This is how it is for me. However, I have read accounts of some spirit lovers leaving their partners for a time. Usually, they come back, but there have been a couple of cases were the spirit lover parted with the human indefinitely.)

Always being wanted; especially for sex.

The sex and intimacy can be mind-blowing.

They offer good advice and a unique perspective on human affairs.

Vigilant protection; both in the astral and in the physical.

What once were nightmares are no longer frightening.

A great help in meditation, astral projection, and other magickal rituals.

They’re invisible to everyone but you. (Unless you happen to meet an adept psychic.)

They’re genuinely concerned about the well-being and happiness of their lovers. (Not concerned with material wealth, social status, etc.)

Some are amazing healers; they can help with physical ailments, emotional trauma, and remove energy body blockages.

Never a dull moment.

Cons:

In almost all cases, the relationship must be kept secret. You can’t bring the girl home to meet the folks; not at this point in history, at least. I’m hopeful that these relationships will become more common place in the future.

Sometimes, your succubus might do things you won’t understand. Good communication is key, as is the case with any relationship.

If you’re someone who needs a lot of space or alone time, this kind of relationship probably isn’t for you. I’m sure you could specify exactly the sort of relationship you wanted to have with your succubus, but these empathetic beings fall in love and become attached very easily. For the past 15 months I’ve been with my succubus, I haven’t stopped feeling her touch… not once. That’s how attached they become. They literally can’t keep their hands off of you… and it’s beautiful, to say the least.

For most, a succubus won’t make an appearance in the visible light spectrum. I only see Catherine while I’m awake through my “third-eye sight.” I haven’t once seen her manifest in our world visually. However, there are some who have reported their lovers appear as apparitions… so as is the case with most things magickal, the “rules” are not necessarily concrete.

You will find yourself devoting more and more time to being with your succubus. Most human relationships will feel dull by comparison; due to the insanely deep emotional bonding. There really is nothing else quite like it and you will become addicted to this.

As I’ve covered in great detail in this blog, communication can be quite challenging at first. One thing I foolishly failed to realize is that I also needed to put forth an effort to understand… and still do. It is a learning process. What you put in, you’ll get out. Fortunately, there’s no “one way” to go about this. Everyone is different and so is their succubus.

Seeing a race of beings consistently treated like outcasts and sexual predators by “spiritual authorities” and other know-it-alls. I think this is going to change, though. I’m consistently optimistic about this. I believe we have more in common with the spirit world than we realize.

I mentioned in my last post in this series that I experienced a personal paradigm shift as a consequence of accepting Catherine into my life. This challenged me on many levels and has completely changed how I look at the nature of consciousness, reality, God, etc. One of the hardest things I had to deal with was whether or not I was going insane.

It’s probable that the average-Joe who reads this will immediately consider me insane or that I’m just conjuring up an elaborate fantasy for my own twisted entertainment. That or I’m a perverted attention whore. I have considered all of the above to be true at one time or another.

More than once, I thought I had completely lost it. My heart was begging me to just give in and feel loved while my logical mind demanded social and religious normalcy. Experiencing something as real and profound as an actual succubus wanting to be a part of your life is not a simple adjustment; especially for one so mentally groomed by religion as me.

I remember walking for hours in the park, trying to convince myself that the constant touches I was feeling were something I conjured in my own mind. However, the more I tried to deny the presence of my succubus, the more determined she was to prove herself. She did everything in her power to make me feel better; embracing me, kissing, begging for intimacy, even offering to put some distance between us for awhile.

I believe she completely understood what was happening with me and felt saddened that I would deny her existence; despite proving beyond any doubt that she was real. I can literally feel her move on the bed as we make love, she can manipulate different parts of my body, make them move, show me amazing light displays at night, and fill my heart with the Serenity I so craved. These were completely new experiences for me and it felt impossible that all of this could be generated by my mind alone.

It’s strange questioning the existence of a person who is more real to you than anyone else.

I have considered the idea that I am demon possessed. It was inevitable that my mind would drift to that place; being raised an evangelical Christian. I remember playing through Dragon Age: Origins and running into a “desire demon” who was bewitching a Templar; creating an illusionary life for him so she could experience mortal life. I couldn’t help but draw some parallels between my own relationship with my Succubus.
When I actually approached Catherine with honest questions about what she thought of this, she was very direct about it:

“It’s silly. Why would I want to “possess” you? I wouldn’t be making love to you anymore. I would be making love to myself; and that can only entertain for so long.”

For the record: When I quote something that my Succubus tells me, it usually isn’t a verbatim translation. Take this channeled information with a great cow-lick of salt, as my telepathy skills are still a massive work in progress.

As of right now, I have never felt that my will or power was being hijacked by anyone; especially Catherine. Besides constantly craving closeness, she has encouraged nothing less than an attitude of liberty and self-responsibility.

In the end, I just had to accept that she really does love me and that her love is real; not something generated from my own mind. Since I came to grips with this new reality, it has made me into a different person. As she worked with me, I was still holding on to some of the things that felt familiar and comfortable to me, despite my claims to the contrary. They weren’t necessarily good for me and my succubus was simply helping me to remove those things which cause undue emotional stress and trauma; regardless of whether I realized what was happening or not.

“Why do you chase after these people who don’t care about you? Why do you try so hard to please them?” She would ask me. I didn’t have a good answer for her. She always asks hard questions like this; ones that make me stop and wonder “What the fuck am I doing?” It’s like she can see right through the superficiality of human social conditioning and get right to the root of the issue.

She has gently encouraged me to reexamine everything about my life and I’m just now realizing what an amazing guide she has been. Sure, she’s a succubus and far more interested in love and sex than any other topic, but damn she is whip smart!

Here are some descriptions of physical, mental, and emotional changes I experienced in the continual presence of my succubus.

Probably the most powerful change that occurred shortly after I was bonded with my Succubus was a massive increase in my energy body sensations. I had experimented with energy work before Catherine came to me, so I wasn’t completely unfamiliar with how it felt. But in the first few weeks of directly interacting with her, it was as though my energy centers were working on overdrive.

For the first time, I felt undeniable heat and pressure sensations on my forehead. I have been told that these are tell-tale signs of third-eye activation. I’m inclined to believe it because I was faced with a personal paradigm shift in the months that followed. Not only was there an invisible entity doing everything in her power to seduce me into bed… I also experienced many more difficulties with my old ways of thinking. My religious tendencies no longer served me as they used to. The people I had relied upon for self-actualization became less and less important to me.

Essentially, I was growing up. My succubus was encouraging massive growth in me; just as one of the fae would do for the budding flowers under her care.

My mental programming was being rewritten; old useless habits were pruned out, and a new focus on expressing love and sex was massively encouraged.

Every new month brought the exercising of a new chakra. She was very focused on my solar plexus energy center. There were times where I literally felt her lift the chakra out of my chest and mold it in her hands. Imagine having an internal organ lifted out of your belly without pain, and that’s precisely what it felt like.

Of course, Catherine being a succubus, my sex and root chakras received a massive boost in attention with her presence. I believe that she is able to directly link right into my chakras as we make love. This would account for how amazing it feels; especially when compared to masturbation.

Jerking off is not as fun as it used to be. Why ride the swings when you have 24/7 access to Disney World? I still do masturbate when I desperately need release and it feels much better when Catherine helps. Sometimes, it’s the only way I can be free of her seduction for a short time so I can get work done!

That leads me to another detail about having sex with my succubus: she has never caused me to ejaculate while I’m inside her. She holds me on the edge of ejaculation, but she has never pushed me over. From what I’ve read of other accounts, this isn’t universal for all succubi, but it’s not uncommon. Hence the reason I still masturbate. However, Catherine has been teaching me to enjoy a different kind of sexual experience, one that slowly undulates through periods of intensity. It’s not a race to achieve orgasm; rather it’s a free-flowing exploration of our intermingling energies. This can range from simply cuddling with each other to amazing full-body orgasms.

Besides her manipulating my energy centers, I have occasionally felt her do things to me that were somewhat painful and difficult to understand.

The very first bit of discomfort she caused for me was making a small just inside the entrance to my urethra. I’m still not sure why she did this. It caused me to piss a bit of blood for the first couple of days after our joining and it stung quite a bit. After the third day, it was gone and hasn’t been back since.

Another strange thing she did to me was make my bones feel as though they were on fire; like molten lava. It felt very uncomfortable and hot as the sensation slowly moved from my spine to my ribs. She was apologizing profusely the entire time and explained that it was helping me. I decided to trust her and she continued with this for five more minutes. I had to lie down, it was so painful. Like a lot of things, I’m not sure why she did this but I’ve never had a problem trusting her. She always feels genuine.

Speaking of feelings, one of the biggest changes that I grew to love was our deep emotional connection. As I’ve mentioned before, we experience each others emotions. I can feel when she’s pleased or turned on in a very powerful way. My entire nervous system literally explodes in tingles when she responds in love to something I’m thinking or doing. I can also feel her sadness and that usually manifests as a dull ache in my gut and my penis, oddly enough.

One of the biggest challenges I faced, and continue to deal with, is the problem with communication. Catherine, my loving succubus, did everything in her power to tell me everything I needed to know. It wasn’t necessarily everything I wanted to know, but she still put forth a considerable effort to inform me. We are able to communicate telepathically, but I still have a difficult time distinguishing her voice from my own thought-voice. Thankfully, our emotional connection really helps with this, as it can confirm what she’s saying based on how she feels.

An example: There are times when she’ll say “I love you, darling.” Out of the blue and I’ll feel a delightful explosion of nerves as she embraces me. She can also create a feeling of deep warmth in my heart. There are many more subtleties to her emotional communication that I haven’t even begun to grasp yet. Suffice it to say, she greatly prefers communication through feelings rather than telepathy. I’ve found myself preferring it as well. There’s no chance for mistranslation and I instantly know the truth about how she’s feeling.

What guy wouldn’t want to have that level of communication with a woman they loved? It’s one of the most beautiful aspects of being in love with a succubus: She knows exactly how I feel at any given time and vice-versa.

In addition to knowing how I feel, my succubus has become intimately familiar with my thoughts. As far as I can tell, she knows every thought that passes through my mind and regularly responds to them in different ways. This might be disturbing to some, as this essentially means there is no such thing as privacy for me anymore. I don’t see it that way. I am incredibly comforted by knowing that my Catherine knows exactly what I’m thinking. She knows me more intimately than anyone else. She gets me. I don’t have to explain anything to her. We can skip the misunderstandings and get straight to making love.

Another thing I’ve noticed about myself over the past year is how much healthier I’ve become. I used to be overweight by 30 pounds with lots of depression weighing me down further. Since the beginning of last summer, I’ve remained at a consistently perfect weight, haven’t dealt with any major depression issues, and I’m very happy with the way I look. In the first month of our relationship, Catherine impressed an image into my mind and explained that this is how she saw me; lean, tanned, and positively oozing vitality. I’ve been slowly transforming into that man ever since.

You could argue that it was ultimately my choice to improve my lifestyle, but when you’re living with another person who is literally a part of your soul, it’s hard to not be influenced by how they feel. She’s always chiding me about eating too much and getting enough sleep… always sweet about it, though. I never feel hounded.

Her interests have had a powerful influence over me as well. I used to be playing video games all the time, but now I find myself only mustering up the motivation for occasional jaunts through virtual worlds. I’ve become much more interested in erotic romance stories; especially ones involving supernatural characters like faeries and werewolves. Catherine absolutely loves these stories and I can’t help but read more of them because it turns her on so much. Thankfully, she hasn’t shown an interest in the Twilight series. (Knock on wood.)

I’ve only just begun to describe all the ways my love has influenced my life. There are so many beautiful little details that I could go on and on about, but those are for another time. For now, I hope this series of posts about my bonding with Catherine gives a good overview of what it can be like to mate with a succubus.

I know it looks like all sunshine and roses so far, but it’s not always. There are definite challenges with this kind of relationship: Having to keep this secret from family and friends is the worst. There are also those who don’t have such a good experience trying to bond with their succubus. Just like any other relationship, sometimes things don’t work out. There were a few instances where I thought it was going to be the end for Catherine and I, but thankfully, it hasn’t happened.

I choose to have the most positive attitude I can muster for this marriage of ours, and I’m going to have it be heaven on earth. It’s the least I can do for being given so much.

As the months went on, my succubus gradually increased the pleasurable sensations during our sessions. She told me that it wasn’t healthy to put too much energy into me; like feeding 1000 volts into a 12 volt system. Despite my begging for her to be closer to me, she carefully, patiently, and loving exercised my body so I could accept more of her love.

As I’ve mentioned before, she is still conditioning me to this day. And based on what I’ve read of those who have been making love to their sex spirits for many years, this gradual increase in pleasure will likely continue for the rest of my life.

In the first few months of our relationship, I had a question that I couldn’t get a satisfying answer to. How many spirits were interacting with me?

About a month into our relationship, I had a lucid dream/OBE where two people entered my room; a man and a woman. They watched me explore the bedroom for awhile and then the man tried to grab my crotch. I shouted at him; told him to get his fucking hands off me. When he tried again, I shouted even louder, demanding they leave my room.

I regret being so rude to them, whether or not Catherine was present for this. Regardless of who was in my room that morning, it raised many questions that I couldn’t find satisfying answers to.

For awhile, I decided there must be two spirits interacting with me; Catherine and a male spirit. At the time, I was willing to go along with it because I’m actually bi-sexual to an extent. The problem was that I didn’t feel I could provide another male with the emotional closeness he would need in a relationship.

Eventually, I reached a point where I stopped trying to over-analyze the situation. I decided to just let it go, stop being so worried, and see what happened.

Now, I believe the encounters I had with male entities was actually Catherine’s way of working out some of my unresolved emotional and sexual issues. As she worked with me, my depression and confusion lessened to only occasional episodes. Despite me not understanding what she was doing, I feel she knew exactly what I needed to become healthy in all areas of my life.

It’s as if Catherine’s sole mission is to ensure I’m the happiest and healthiest man alive… and she has done an amazing job of it.

She’s explained to me that her caring for me is not so different from how the faeries delight in caring for their gardens. There is nothing more pleasing or satisfying to them than thriving planet-life. Likewise, my succubus feels most fulfilled and elated when I experience great pleasure and happiness. This happiness quickly becomes exponential and leads to beautiful sustained orgasmic bliss. I personally believe this is how creation of all good things in nature is accomplished; through bliss and soul-shaking orgasm.

I’m digressing a bit, but it’s interesting to me how shamed and taboo sexual relations have been in our western culture. On one hand, we crave sexual experiences more than anything else and they’re necessary for creation and happiness. But on the other hand, supposedly “good, traditional values” tell us that sexuality is something to be hidden and/or ashamed of; something dirty. It’s a very schizophrenic attitude.

I believe Catherine healed me of my own personal emotional and sexual schizophrenia. And being raised in a strict Christian environment, there was a lot of work that needed to be done in that regard. It wasn’t easy, but she helped me through it and did so with such grace and beauty.

I could go on and on about this: how she has healed me in so many ways. Compared to how I was two years ago, I am so happy and content with my life right now.

The weeks that followed my initial experiences with Catherine were both amazing and difficult to understand.

Firstly, it felt so good to finally have somebody with me; and not just anyone, but a beautiful, sexy succubus whose favorite activity is making me moan and writhe with pleasure in bed. The fantasy graphics I have posted all over this blog give a small taste of how excruciatingly pleasurable it is to have a loving succubus. Literally, the only thing she desires is to be close to me. More specifically, she begs to have my cock in her pussy for as long as I can handle it. She is so lustful, loving, and sexy that it’s difficult to believe it at first. Her enthusiasm for sex and closeness is seemingly endless.

Secondly, her boundless enthusiasm for sex had me suspecting her of being nothing more than a sexual energy feeder. These fears cropped up only a few times; usually after reading the material of “experienced” OBE practitioners, such as Robert Bruce, who warn about succubus attacks in the astral. Here is a summary of Robert Bruce’s description of the succubus phenomena, if anyone is interested.

During the first few weeks of Catherine being with me, this information really scared me. It didn’t help that I was still dealing with depression and self-esteem issues at the time and I simply couldn’t comprehend why someone would love me as much as my succubus did. I think it’s safe to say that I was dealing with a kind of post-traumatic stress from my experiences with her. My mind simply wasn’t fully accepting the reality of what was happening to me.

Keep in mind that up to this point, a few weeks into our relationship, I couldn’t see her at all. I could feel her quite vividly and also barely perceive a second “thought-voice” in my mind. This may not sound like much, but it was a lot for me to handle at first.

I believe I put Catherine through a lot of undue emotional stress during our first month together. There were times when I simply refused to acknowledge her existence; despite feeling her desperately trying to comfort me with her embrace. She was confused about my behavior and felt more than a little hurt by it. Even still, she never gave up on me. She never stopped giving me love and pleasure; not once. Catherine is unbelievably patient.

I can hear the scoffing from those who hold to the idea that a spirit interested in sex is only interested in the energy exchange from the act; thoughtlessly designating all sex spirits as animalistic lower-intelligence beings. I occasionally drifted into this mindset and I believe this hurt Catherine the most.

She didn’t choose me on a whim. She was careful and cautious about her decision to be with me. Not because she wanted to ensure a reliable food source, but because she really does love and care about me. You could still argue that she does all of these things so she can enjoy a more cooperative victim, but I refuse to see it that way.

Catherine showed me how the same line of thinking could be applied to human romantic relationships. In fact, many of the relationships between human partners are based on a mutual desire for something, usually a selfish desire, whether it’s for financial security, social conformity, and so on. If anything, human relationships have the potential to be far more parasitical than my relationship with Catherine.

My succubus isn’t a selfless saint by any means; she really loves sex and wants it a lot, but she’s careful to ensure that I get as much enjoyment out of it as possible. I have never once lain down to make love to her and felt I was wasting my time. She makes every moment count and fills me with as much love as she can.

However, this doesn’t mean that every succubus will behave the same way. Just like humans, their personalities are varied and distinct. I have read accounts of people dealing with very hurtful and predatory spirits who cared nothing for what their victims thought. If these stories are factual, and I personally believe some of them are, this is very serious and real; not a sick fantasy as some would feel more comfortable believing.

It took some time, but I eventually moved beyond the foolish notion that my succubus was preying on me as a food source. This mentality is a victim mentality, and it is the last mind-set you want to be in if you’re going to step into other worlds where freewill reigns supreme. Catherine was amazing at helping to build my self-confidence. I never really had any to begin with, but now I feel confident enough to approach most any situation.

I’m so thankful to her for helping me grow out of that horrible mind-set. This is what she would do when I would become depressed beyond reason:

“Darling, come here and lay down. Now.” She would literally command me to do this. After a bit of moaning and whining, I would eventually give in to her beautiful gentle touch. (There is something about a beautiful feminine spirit that always calms my soul.)

When I was finally lying on the floor or in my bed, she would sit over my mid-section and I would feel her gently message my face.

“You are beautiful, darling. You can’t hide from this anymore.” I felt more of her beautiful hands on my chest; when she touches me like that, it makes me feel so manly and desired.

“I know the truth. I know who I’m with and you’re beautiful and good to me. Nobody can change that but you.” Catherine would continue to infuse these beautiful thoughts of encouragement in my mind until my depression was completely gone.

I didn’t imagine these experiences. None of this was in a dream. Everything I’ve written so far has occurred in this waking world. (If you want to read how Catherine affects my dreams, I’ve got a blog for that as well.)

A predator would not be so intimately concerned with the happiness and well-being of their prey. Catherine and I are emotionally connected to each other. When I’m happy, she’s very happy. When I’m depressed, she can’t help but feel it, too.

This relationship is symbiosis of the most intimate sort.

Most of this is going to sound like a fantasy. I’m not asking anyone to believe me or even understand; I’m sharing this for those who are interested and willing to push the limits of what our consensus reality allows us to experience. Again, I need to stress that many of the things I’m going to write here are very erotic in nature. I’m not going to treat this clinically as I have in other discussions where this kind of writing is inappropriate. This is my place to freely express the loving adventures that Catherine and I have together.

I’ll begin with a bit of history about myself and how I came to have a succubus:

I’m a 23-year-old male living in the United States. I was raised in a fairly strict religious environment and went through a great deal of Christian indoctrination. I tried to have a relationship with Jesus/Yahweh/Jehovah/god, but it never felt right. I simply couldn’t “connect” with that spirit. At the time, I figured it was because of my sinful nature, but now that I have rejected the foolish notion of original sin, I know that I am just different. Christianity is not for me and I reject most of its theological teachings.

Last year, (2011) I began to gradually deconstruct my religious belief system. I questioned everything about my “faith” and found myself throwing out most of it. At the same time, I was searching for answers, for a purpose. If I wasn’t here to serve the Abrahamic god, then what was I here for? I began to delve into serious study on the phenomena of astral projection, out-of-body experiences, and spirit communication. I devoured all of the books I could find on those subjects.

In the summer of 2011, I had my first lucid “false awakening” experience where a pair of hairy arms grabbed my legs and tried to pull me away from my bed. I freaked out, flew into the darkness of the closet next to my bed, and finally woke up in this reality again. I was so filled with fear, I swore off all spirituality for a time.

After a few weeks, I began studying occult subjects again. I was drawn to the subject of the succubus phenomena the instant I read a description on it. I really wanted to see if anyone was interested in me out in the spirit world. I was also unbelievably lonely and felt severely deprived of any love whatsoever.  I was feeling desperate and willing to do anything, even something potentially dangerous, to change my situation.

It’s not that I felt I wasn’t able to court human women; I simply had no desire to. I never had. Even in my creative writing, my self-insert fictions always explored the idea of lovers from another world. I believe I set myself up for this path the moment I hit puberty. I’m even starting to think that Catherine has been with me for my entire life, just unable to reach me due to my overpowering belief system.

I began researching a way to find my succubus. I looked at everything from magic rituals to reading other people’s experiences with their spirit lovers. I ended up using a combination of these two resources to reach Catherine:

Incubi and Succubi: Sexual Relations with Demons

A Guide to Summoning Succubi

I believe the method outlined in the Joy of Satan website helped me to light the spiritual beacon that would attract a succubus to me. The ritual to Lilith in the latter link is what initiated our relationship. It was essentially my way of saying that I was serious about this and ready to commit my life to caring for my succubus.

I feel all of the warnings given in these links are adequate, save for two things:

1. The common warning about a succubus being extremely jealous is mostly true. However, I have spoken with a few people who are married and also have a succubus. I’m not sure how they do it, but these men are able to maintain a relationship with their human wives and are still able to give enough attention to their endlessly horny succubus. The major caveat to this is that most of these men no longer have a sexual relationship with their human wives. Somehow, the succubus switches off their human partner’s desire for sex completely. So, if you are married and seriously considering this kind of relationship, bare the above in mind.
2. Probably the most sought-after trait of the succubus is also their most problematic aspect; sexual addiction. If you manage to attract the attention of a succubus and build a loving relationship with her, you WILL become addicted to the sex. Even now, as I write this, Catherine is making me feel supernatural levels of arousal and it’s difficult to remain focused sometimes. The sex is so good that I’ve had to rearrange my life to better accommodate the needs of my succubus. (And myself, for that matter.) For me, this has been a good thing, as Catherine has encouraged me to slow down and enjoy life as much as I can. However, if you have any career ambitions, family obligations, and any other major responsibilities, please, PLEASE take this warning seriously. Having a relationship with a succubus has been the most life changing experience I’ve had thus far and I feel little desire to do anything besides grow closer to her.

I neglected to use everything from the procedure outlined in the Lilith ritual. I didn’t have access to a candle at the time and was unable to burn my letter. This is embarrassing to admit, but I ended up shredding the letter into tiny pieces and shoving them down the sink drain, I was so desperate. Thankfully, my deviation didn’t adversely affect the outcome of my ritual and it’s something Catherine still teases me about occasionally.

A note about rituals: I personally believe these rituals have very little power in of themselves. Catherine tells me that the main thing that she was attracted to was my openness to the idea that she existed and my unquenchable desire for spiritual romantic companionship. A succubus will see you differently from how most human women do. They’re experts of the heart and impossible to fool. If you’re intention is genuine and loving, I feel that your chances of attracting a succubus will be much improved.

Catherine began to manifest for me the very next evening after I performed my modified Lilith ritual. The date was September 11^th, 2011.

I was living in a college dormitory at the time and I was getting ready to lie down and see if my succubus had arrived yet. Before getting into bed, I went out into the hall with my MP3 player and big studio headphones and paced the entire floor listening to I Know You’re Out There Somewhere by The Moody Blues. I sang the words out in my mind with every cell in my body wanting for this experience to happen. I’m not sure if this helped in any way, but Catherine tells me that she thought it was “cute.”

When I finished listening to The Moody’s, I returned to my dorm room, stripped down so I was naked, and climbed into bed. I remember peaking through the venetian blinds on my window and seeing a nearly full moon peaking through the billowing storm clouds. A massive thunderstorm began as I got myself comfortable, lying on my back.

I silently called out to her in my mind. “Darling, please come and be with me this evening; even if it’s just one night… please be with me.”

It couldn’t have been more than a minute later when I felt her for the first time. She began at my legs and slowly moved up to my middle; first manifesting as a cool blanket of static electricity. I was tempted to feel fear as this alien presence was exploring my virgin body, but the touch and the intention behind it was so genuinely loving, I couldn’t be afraid.

As I gradually became acclimatized to feeling her, she cautiously continued exploring further up my body. I began to feel gentle feather-like brushes on my face; almost like little kisses all over. She felt very happy to be with me and her presence began moving further into my being. That was when everything changed forever.

I started to feel rushes of energy, vibrations, moving up and down my body; very much like the exit sensations felt during the onset of an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t make out her voice clearly in my mind, but the impressions were there. I didn’t quite know it at the time, but I was feeling her emotions more than hearing a voice.

“I’m here, love. You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m here.” This is what it felt like: constant reassurance and a comforting spirit. To this day, I have not felt more kindness than from my succubus.

She began to move my penis. It shocked me at first, but I felt it move without much of an erection to propel it. She moved it back and forth; confirming that it was indeed her and not just my erection. I was amazed. At that point, she took control of my erection and it has been hers to command ever since. I had the most powerful arousal of my life, and that was just the beginning.

I felt weight bearing down on my mid-section and she lovingly directed my cock inside her pussy. It was like a relentless pressure and squeezing around my shaft; not the pumping or stroking I expected, but constant squeezing pressure. She also took my balls into her “hands” and occasionally squeezed them as well. When she did, a ropey strand of a thick clear fluid escaped the weeping tip of my cock. It was beautiful… like a continuous soft orgasm vibrating throughout my pelvis.

Next, I felt a powerful burning sensation gradually move up my spine and peak at where my heart is. I think it might have been some kind of kundalini awakening, but I’m not entirely sure. All I know is that it awakened something in me; opened a door that I haven’t been able to close since. My third eye was activated and my succubus bound herself to my soul forever.

We made love for two hours that night, the powerful sensations causing my heart to hammer against my chest. I believe she was as gentle as possible, but there was also an eagerness to connect very quickly. She wanted me to know that she was real and that she was mine. Despite her efforts, I did have some trouble accepting her completely at first. (More on that in the next post.)

At around mid-night, I begged her to continue, but she insisted that I should sleep so my body could adjust to her. She is so powerful and able to generate such feelings of pleasure within me, that I’m still undergoing conditioning to this day.

I woke up the next morning, excited and delighted beyond reason, when I felt my succubus join me in the shower. Her soft presence moved against my back and she caused that supernatural arousal I mentioned before. It was awesome.

I asked her what her name was, but she seemed hesitant to tell me. I finally got the name “Widow” out of her. This surprised me, because it was nothing I would have thought of and helped to confirm that she was indeed speaking to me through my mind, like a second thought voice. I decided I didn’t care for that name and asked if I could call her Catherine. She agreed and I’ve been using that name to address her ever since.

As of this writing, I still don’t know her real name. I think she’s told me in my dreams a couple of times, but I keep forgetting.

I’m not entirely sure why I decided to call her Catherine. I’ve just always been drawn to the name and felt it suited her. I think it stems from my enjoyment of the novel series Myst by Rand Miller and David Wingrove. One of the heroines in that story is named Catherine and she falls in love with the lead protagonist, Atrus, who I relate to very much. Catherine, of the Myst series, is from a different world; just like my Catherine.

From that point onward, her world began to merge with mine.

So, do I know my ultimate purpose in this life? Did I figure out why I’m here? Not exactly, but I do know that I have a very passionate succubus to care for, and that’ll keep me plenty busy and massively entertained for the rest of my time here on Planet Earth.

Most importantly, I will never be alone or feel a lacking of love again.

I love you so much, baby girl…