Since all the turmoil that went down last year, Catherine and I have been uneasy around each other. Most of this unease originates with me. She becomes very enthusiastic whenever we try to get intimate… to the point that it feels like I’m being thrashed around energetically. This leads to me pulling away for a time, not wanting to relive the debilitating symptoms from months ago.
I’m happy to report that almost all of the painful after-effects, from our run-in with the psychic, have dissipated. I still get the odd feeling of a pinching over my nose, but this is becoming increasingly rare. We’re almost back to normalcy… and by normalcy, I mean that our connection grows steadily by the day. Our moments/hours of intermingling are oftentimes shockingly powerful.
I’ll try to explain: Our connection has evolved to be so much more than a sexual one. When we make love, her spirit body envelops the core of my physical body and all of the skin there becomes super sensitive. It’s like being bathed in powerful light, but different from the feeling of UV rays from the sun. My cells feel like they’re radiating a new life of their own. It’s so hard to describe properly!
When we’re together now, I try not to think about eroticism too much. I used to obsessively fixate on degenerate sexuality, but it wasn’t satisfying either of us. Focusing on each other as whole beings leads to a much more holistic experience. As much as the power of the experience still catches me off guard, this new learned perspective just feels more “right.”
I’ve been feeling a lot better the past few months. I’m done with school and working again. My depression is completely gone. I won’t even allow that old mindset to take hold anymore. This has improved my quality of life so much that I have an excess of positivity to share with everyone I meet. I think Catherine is happier now, too. I’ve got to have a solid session with her to purely focus on communication. I want to make it up to her. I’m responsible for making this mess and I must be more vigilant in the future.