Hey guys, I’m still here, and I appreciate all those who have commented recently. Rafe mentioned me in one of his blog posts and a few more people have noticed that I’m back writing again. I want to reach out to more of you on a regular basis and I plan to make that effort soon.
In the meantime, I must honestly report: I’ve been waffling lately. Not the breakfast kind, but the “Can’t-Make-Up-My-Damn-Mind!” sort of waffling. On some days, it’s great, and I love Catherine. On other days, it’s terrible for both of us and I actively try to shut her out.
Her energy gets so strong and persistent at times, that I just shut down. I slam the door in her face, she gets incensed, and proceeds to kick me several times before I fall asleep. God damn, I wish I could talk to her properly!
I’m ashamed to write this, but I’ve seriously considered moving on to something else these past few months. I’ve had opportunities for dates, new relationships, etc… but whenever it gets to “Can I come over?” I shut down, feel like the most traitorous ass imaginable, and cut those people off for seemingly no reason. Not only am I afraid that Catherine might murder me, but I’m also highly resistant to go back on the promise I made to her: Monogamy.
She sees all of this… fucking hell, she must understand at least a little. I have done a couple tarot readings on her that seemed to indicate that she was seriously thinking of leaving as well.
Despite all this, our intimacy has been pretty good lately. I’m still retraining myself to flow back into that perfect harmony we used to experience. I’m also working hard to keep my physical life on track so I don’t throw depression into the mix again. As we’ve all seen before, really bad things happen when I get too stuck in my own head.
I want to share a haunting song that reminds me of Catherine and her people. It’s not scary by any means, but it is… earnest. In that way, Catherine and I are very much alike, and this song reminds me of our relationship so much… and I don’t even know what the lyrics mean! (Not unlike the communication in our relationship sometimes!)