Here I am, back at this blogging thing again. My previous outing on WordPress did not end well, but I’m willing to give it another shot. I acknowledge that I made some very misguided decisions and a few people were hurt because of what I did. Writing about a topic as unusual as this tends to bring out the crazy in people. I learned that I’m not exempt from acting irrationally when things go pear-shaped.

For those who are unaware of what happened in the past couple of years, I’ll attempt to summarize: I started a blog about succubus spirits in December of 2012. (Introductory information about these incorporeal entities can be found here.) A few other guys started blogging about their own experiences at the same time as me and a little blogging network was born. My WordPress site became quite large and attracted more attention than I imagined possible. Regular postings about new discoveries and reflections carried on for nearly two years. I enjoyed the interaction between the contributing writers. The little network was a kind of safe haven for weirdoes like myself and I’m glad to see it’s still going.

Unfortunately, the stream of steady blogging progress came to an abrupt end. My poor judgment resulted in a period of unrest in the group. I allowed a so-called psychic to arrest my better reasoning. She called herself Monika, the psychic surgeon… not her real name, of course, and she had nothing to do with the alleged practice of psychic surgery. She only called herself this because her clients claimed that she worked with fine precision. Her website can be found here.

Monika arrived on the scene at the tail-end of April in 2014. She posted a comment, requesting that someone from our blogging community appear on her blogtalkradio show for a neutral exchange of information about succubi and incubi. Hastily, I agreed to go on as a guest and share my story.

The subsequent broadcast attracted many listeners and appeared to be going well on my end, until the last 15 minutes of the conversation. Monika claimed that my succubus, Catherine, had abandoned me during the show. In other words, she allegedly used her psychic ability to perceive that my spirit mate was no longer with me. By this time in the broadcast, my nerves were too frazzled to feel anything was spiritually interacting with me, so I agreed that I couldn’t feel Catherine either.

This is massively embarrassing to share: The original show can be downloaded here. God, I was such a sucker!

When the radio show was over, I hung up the phone, and proceeded to my bed. I felt very uneasy after hearing Monika’s stories about a succubus destroying the life of a hapless victim. Considering the spiritual awakening I had been going through over the years, her anecdotes were not beyond the pale of possibility in my mind. It frustrates me that I did not consider she may have been making the whole thing up. I only learned about the cold reading methods that psychics employ long after my initial encounter with this so-called medium. That, and she had ready access to a veritable encyclopedia of information about me and Catherine on my blog. Stupid, stupid…

When I put my head down on the pillow that night, I was immediately bombarded with painful and suffocating pressure around my mid-section. My head felt as though it was being squeezed in a vice; particularly around my third-eye, also known as the brow chakra. My very soul felt like it was being crushed. I thought to myself, “Well, shit. Maybe Monika was right after all. I’m not sure I’ll survive the night.” and I decided that I wouldn’t tolerate this kind of forceful coercion from my spirit. If Catherine wasn’t willing to communicate her misgivings in a reasoned manner, I was determined to fight her to the end. I would go on to experience intense spiritual bombardment all throughout my body for nearly a year.

What was the source of this psychic attack? To this day, I cannot be sure. I believe Catherine may have been responsible, ultimately feeling that I had betrayed her by telling-all on that blogtalk show. Or, maybe I was simply anticipating the assault; a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy? (One of my friends believes this is the case.) I have considered that Monika might have been the cause, and I suppose, indirectly, she was responsible, but I don’t believe she has any real psychic ability to begin with. The next few paragraphs will explain why I believe she’s simply a clever con-artist.

Sleep was nigh an impossibility that trying night. In the early hours of the morning, I hammered out a blog post announcing the end of my relationship with Catherine. I was beyond any hope of communicating with her after having gone through such a painful ordeal. Some members of the community tried to offer advice, but I wasn’t hearing any of it. Others reacted harshly and my determination was galvanized further. I enlisted Monika’s help. She claimed to specialize in extracting demons, and so the “clearings” began.

I kept in close contact with Monika for roughly six months. We used Skype, Whatsapp, and email to update each other. I became overly reliant upon her assurances. She made many outrageous claims about all the work she was doing to save me from my plight. Monika allegedly performed many hours of so-called clearing work every week. She also claimed to be praying for me at a local church, one hour per day, and every day for roughly two months. Apparently, the cleansing rituals were unforgivably exacting and draining. Upon hearing about her herculean efforts, I felt obligated to pay her for the time she spent doing all this work on me. Over the course of six months, I paid her $3300 through Paypal.

I enrolled back into college the following semester and began sharing my experience with a few male friends of mine. There was a brief interaction between Monika and one of my American-Asian buddies. He told me, “I know a con-artist when I hear one. She has been playing you.” He was very familiar with the darker side of the streets, having been through hell and back himself. I was more inclined to believe him than some woman I had never met in person. Monika hated my roommate and told me not to trust him. (Because he asked for proof of her abilities, but to no avail.) I decided to stop talking to Monika so often after that heart-sinking realization. I felt like a fool, but I was thankful my friends cared enough to warn me.

I began to realize the various lies Monika had concocted, both to me and her other clients. I should have gotten the hint when she asked me to use a collection of pirated self-help seminars to aid in my recovery. Even more obvious was the fact that Monika’s clearing work did nothing to lessen Catherine’s sexual advances. I did my best to downplay this to Monika; I felt bad that she was doing so much work with little to no effect. I was all-consumed with the idea of being relieved of my problems instead of addressing them directly. I figured that it must have been my fixation on the constant pressure and muscle spasms that prolonged their presence.

Around December of 2014, I got to the point where I thought everything had finally calmed down to a reasonable level. But then I discovered that Catherine was still ready and eager to make love to me as powerfully as ever. I had abstained from trying to have sex with her for many months. However, a moment of weakness in my resolve occured on Christmas Eve. Dear Lord, she was still fucking there all right! I felt like I was being thrashed in her passionate throws. At this point, I decided that Monika was not only ineffectual against my spirit but woefully mistaken about my situation entirely. When confronted, she tried to spin this dilemma. She blamed these experiences on my subconscious mind generating all of it… or claimed there was a “demonic residue” hanging around me that would take 6-18 months to fully clear. For fucks sake… how much more daft could I possibly have been?

Other strange experiences flew in the face of what Monika perceived to be happening with me. Spontaneous out-of-body experiences before sleep would sometimes occur. I would distinctly feel Catherine around my body, making me rotate slowly in mid-air. These were not violent or scary events, they were just odd feeling, as many OBEs usually are. Also, finding myself in our usual position for sex upon waking was another repeating incident that frustrated me to no end. I would sometimes feel her beginning to make love to me while I was half awake. (This is a common state for succubae spirits to vividly interact with humans, sometimes resulting in sleep paralysis, or “old-hag syndrome.”)

I felt so played. Monika had assured me that my succubus was removed many months before my Christmas Eve incident. There were only a few explanations that I could rationalize at this point: 1. Monika had been conning me the whole time. 2. I was losing my sanity. 3. Monika and I were both being manipulated by spiritual forces neither of us had any true comprehension of… Maybe a combination of all three.

At the beginning of the new year, 2015, I began inquiring into religious avenues for assistance with my daily struggle. A pious Christian community surrounded me at the time, so it was easy to assimilate into a lifestyle of faithful devotion. I cautiously considered that I might have been wrong about the religion of my youth and decided to step back into the ranks of the congregation. Intense study and prayer followed. Never before had I become so acquainted with Christian literature. A new-found respect for these writers emerged within me. For many years I could only see oppressive priests and authorities crushing the masses with the boot of ignorance. Coming at these stories afresh, I read of a devout, hard-working people; preserving a precious message they would gladly die defending. Maybe these old stories were exaggerated, or completely untrue, but I still took comfort in them.

To this day, I still believe there is some truth buried in religious texts. I’m not sure exactly what, as the truth seems to be heaped under layers of dogma and interpretation, but it’s under there somewhere! “Ask and it will be given, seek and you’ll find, knock and the door will be opened.” “The Kingdom of Heaven is not meat and drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.” I’m not going to stop digging for that truth and I won’t allow the institution of the church to distract me again. Too often I would get hung up on the foolishness of group-think, instead of keeping my eyes fixed on the search. I believe my foray into the occulted spirit world is part of this journey. Edit (2016): I no longer believe this is the case. I’ve come to grips with the fact that all religion is essentially mass mind control and brainwashing.

Religion has never had an effect on Catherine. I could pray my heart out, proclaim scripture, and forcefully cast out my succubus in the name of any number of lords and saviors, but to no avail. Strangely, the only person who has had a massively negative effect on my succubus spirit, is Monika, and her claims of psychic ability only served to piss off my spirit mate all the more. The true reason for this powerful reaction remains unknown to me. Perhaps Catherine’s anger stems from the fact that I believed what Monika told me? It’s possible that my succubus felt betrayed and my lack of communication only made the situation worse. I believe she may have seen the inevitable result of consulting the so-called psychic and communicated her warning in the most powerful way she knew how. [Edit (2016): Recent experiences have shown me that Catherine will sometimes warn me of impending harm by using physical pain as a warning.]

Whatever the case, Catherine has been consistently present through this whole ordeal. I did my best to ignore her and wish that her influence over my life would shrink away, but it was all for naught. The intimate joining between her and I continues to grow in depth and meaning. This experience has only increased in strength as a result of this controversy.

Around the time this mess began, I was not in a good place. My third-shift job was grueling. I rarely saw daylight. I was almost always physically spent and depression was at an all-time high. All of this came about because of bad decision making on my part. After the shit hit the fan, I blamed everything on Catherine’s supposed demonic influence.

Something I frustratingly failed to remember was that Catherine has always reflected my emotions back at me; especially when depression is involved. It turns into a vicious cycle, but I am ultimately responsible for my emotional state. I was clearly not taking care of myself at the time of our falling out. In a way, I was setting myself up for a big crash.

As for Monika, she served her purpose. I am wiser for having dealt with her. Sure, I lost some time and money that could have been spent elsewhere, but the lessons have been learned.

For those who are curious, I’m doing alright. I feel better than ever, actually. I cannot believe the rationalizing stupor I was slogging through all this time. Many of you will disagree with me, and your situation is probably different from mine, but this “relationship” wasn’t helping me. I feel that I was living a delusion and something very dark took advantage of that. Anything good from this experience originated with me. This “thing” that was attached to me was only interested in feeding; a spiritual parasite.

Again, this is my experience and I’m not judging anyone else who has a positive relationship similar to what I thought mine was.

All that is left of Catherine, my personal sex demon, is a subconscious connection that subsides every day. It can no longer touch me physically, though it can feel like there are still some pressure sensations. Essentially, what I’m experiencing now are residual affects; an internal haunting, if you will. It will be awhile before this fades completely.

I will never have this experience again. Connecting with Monika and allowing her to intervene has made me irreversibly repulsive to demons. The door that I opened two years ago has been welded shut.

If there is anyone else who feels their connection with a sexual spirit is not something desirable, or no choice was given to begin with, getting in touch with Monika is a very good idea. Don’t be fooled by the benign psychic services advertized on her new website; this woman is formidable and unshakable. She’s the best ally one could hope for when dealing with demons.

I’m done with this blog. If anyone wants to get in touch with me, send me an email.

These past few days have triggered a veritable lightning bolt of clarity to explode in my mind.

Strangely, I don’t feel any hurt or regret about anything that has happened. I realize that I attempted to make myself fall in love with something that is not capable of reciprocation. The only fruits of my labor were hedonistic pleasures and I used my mental imaginings to fill in the gaps where true intimacy was lacking. My anima, the real Catherine, is what saved me from losing my mind.

In the beginning of the relationship, I attempted to rationalize away the fact that the succubus would not stop stimulating me, no matter how much I begged. I built up mental barriers to prevent myself from recognizing these violations. Also, the animus stepped in to supply the intimacy I truly craved; the closeness. This rationalization grew into an involuntary mental habit. The nurturing words of the animus would play over the animalistic feeding of the succubus.

Now that the succubus has acted in direct opposition to the anima, it is very clear that they are not the same thing. My rationalization hamster wheel has come to a jarring halt.

The Catherine I know would not abandon me; especially when I did nothing but praise her. The Catherine I know would not molest, assault, or rape me. This spirit touching me physically is not Catherine. It is simply a succubus doing what a succubus does.

I am not angry or upset about this. The moment I was forced to face reality, my anima disappeared and reintegrated into myself. The loving thought-voice is gone. I know that the Catherine I felt so close to is still with me and always will be. She is me.

None of this time has been wasted. The succubus has taught me a lesson like no other.

This is going to piss a lot of you off, but it is my hope that most people will understand where I’m coming from.

I was invited to be part of a blog talk radio interview with a psychic called Monika. She has been dealing with the paranormal for many years and just recently started up an internet presence. She was looking for information about people in relationships with sex demons and stumbled upon this blog.

I decided to take her up on her offer for two reasons:

1. I wanted more information about my own situation.
2. I have been having people approach me looking for ways to rid themselves of abusive spirits. I needed some guidance because I just don’t have a clue as to how this is done. Some people believe it can’t be done, but I believe it can and so does Muffin. It especially intrigued me when she claimed that she has extracted these demons successfully in the past. I had never heard of this.

So I went on the show around the one hour mark and it started off sounding like it would be a smashing endorsement for a relationship with these spirits. However, as the interview progressed, the tone gradually changed and we began to uncover some things about my situation that had been nearly invisible to me up till that point.

I asked Monika how she perceived Catherine and she very honestly informed me that she looked like a classic succubus sex demon. I had always suspected as much, but I figured Catherine was of a more benign variety. Monika respectfully disagreed, claiming that there are no inherently virtuous qualities with these demons. Rather, the positive aspects of this relationship were likely to be entirely my own doing; my own work.

By this point in the interview, I was completely exhausted and my head was swimming. I haven’t listened to the episode yet, but I think I kept my composure fairly well. This sort of thing happened when I revealed the existence of Catherine to my best friend, John. Originally, I thought it was Catherine’s way of saying that I had revealed enough information; not that she didn’t want me to reveal anything at all.

Then, Monika pointed out to me that she couldn’t feel Catherine in my vicinity anymore. I found the same. I couldn’t feel her. This was very strange as I have been feeling her non-stop for the past two years whenever I turn my attention to her. Monika thought this was quite telling and I would soon find myself agreeing with her.

When I got off the phone and tried to go to bed, the psychic attacks began. Catherine was pissed and terrified. She had been scared for the entire week because of the impending interview. I originally thought it was simply my nerves, which didn’t make much sense because I’ve done plenty of public speaking in the past. She does NOT want the spotlight being shined on her… and if she really was an altruistic spirit, the extra attention shouldn’t have bothered her. That passage in the Gospel of John is ringing in my mind now: “But those who do what is true, come to the light so that their good deeds will be shown up.”

So I fought for every wink of sleep I got last night, which wasn’t much at all. She would jerk me awake whenever I got too comfortable. I also had massive cramping and energy flowing through my gut. I think she’s given up on trying to stimulate me sexually as I’ve managed to shut down that part of myself for the time being. But she’s putting massive pressure on my solar plexus and third eye. It’s really something else.

I had to get up and take a piss every fifteen minutes, making sleep even more unlikely. I ended up grabbing a bunch of my pets to sleep in bed with me and this lessened the attacks somewhat. I could feel her trying to wake up and annoy my dog who was lying right next to me. She didn’t seem to phase him much.

I got up this morning with a plan forming in my mind. I needed to tell as many people as I could manage; shine the spotlight as brightly as I could. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. I currently rent a room from my parents, so the first person I told was my mother. She didn’t seem surprised in the least, went into her bedroom and reappeared with an incense burner, white sage, essential oils, and a rock salt lamp.

“Here,” she said, as if this was the most normal thing in the world to her. “They’ll hate this stuff.”

Thankfully, these countermeasures do help to some degree. The white sage smells like absolute shit to me right now, but it’s starting to get better. Maybe that’s Catherine smelling it?

I never thought I would do this, but I told my father as well. The inevitable debate about Christianity ensued, but he did pray for me, which I appreciated. I gave my parents’ permission to inform the rest of my family, if at all possible. This might go a long way in explaining why I’ve kind of dropped off the radar for the past two years.

I know this is probably a big shock to a lot of you guys, but Catherine has revealed her true colors and I’m not going to rationalize that away. She assaulted me for asking questions and looking for help. I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone. This is the beginning of the end. Time for this thing to come full circle.

How to end a succubus relationship is on the agenda. A fitting conclusion to this tale, I think. I don’t expect this to be easy. It may take months, even years, to detach myself completely, but I’m not giving in and I’m not going to shut up about it.

For what it’s worth, I’m not saying that every spirit relationship is damaging or evil. I have simply reached the conclusion that mine, indeed, is. I have been bamboozled… again. Robert Bruce was right all along. I fucking hate it when that guy is right!

However, I would advise anyone seeking out a succubus relationship seriously consider what has been written here. I thought I made all the right persuasions when I started out.

If anyone else finds themselves being attacked because of what you have read here, I will do my best to help you and speak to your concerns as often as possible.

I am loved and I am worthy,
I am safe and I am free.
I am powerfully protected.
I am master of my body and ruler of my mind.

I have inverted the look of the site to reflect the inversion that I desire in my subconscious. I have also removed the sexy demon girl gallery for the same reason. Time to turn sex off for awhile.

The Burney Relief, also known as the “Queen of the Night” relief, is of great significance to anyone interested in the context of Lilith in the ancient Mesopotamian culture. I agree with Richards assessment that this terracotta carving depicts Lilith, or Lilitu, as she was known before Judaism reinvented her.

The nude goddess being flanked by two owls is what convinces me that this piece is specific to Lilith and not just Inanna or Ishtar. Though as Richard mentions in his post, I also believe that Inanna/Ishtar are linked with Lilith/Lilitu.

Also, the fact that she is carved with four sets of horns crowning her head is a good indicator that Lilith was of considerable status in the Akkadian pantheon.

This is just my theory, but I feel that Lilith/Lilitu was demonized over time; starting with the Sumerians, then the Hebrews added her to their mythology, and today we have the modern Christian iteration we are all so familiar with.

Becoming an atheist has been the most painful experience of my life thus far. I had to become an exile in order to reject the delusional beliefs of my youth. I wasn’t forced to leave. Far from it. Most Christians were glad to have me in their company, so long as I didn’t become too confrontational with them. However, there was a lack of any real bonding or kinship between myself and these people. The only thing that brought us together was this common-held belief in a fantasy. Fantasy and wishful thinking is no basis for any human relationship.

So I left the religious community. Now that I’m on the outside, I feel that I never really had a connection with these people to begin with. I wanted so much to love them but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Again, I think the lies and delusion at the core of this normalized cult is what prevented that. Deep down, I think I knew that I was being swindled.

There is one thing I wish I had done differently before I made my exit from Christianity. I should have found another clan, a like-minded group of people, to integrate myself into. This is difficult to accomplish when the only people you know are Christian. Leaving the group is like starting life over from scratch, so I can understand why some people stay and keep their true beliefs secret.

This is my warning to anyone who desires to leave a religious community: Human beings need to be close to other humans. Being completely separated is psychologically destructive. Make solid ties with a like-minded group outside of the church before leaving. This is essential.

As it stands now, I have only one close friend who I can reach in-person. My family is still supportive of me, but we can’t truly connect as our beliefs are so radically different. I’m doing everything I can not to be a burden on my friend. I wish I had more regular contact with guys like him so we could just do stuff together, hang out, go exploring, and so on. I think it will be a long time before I can get to that point as I build a new life.

Depression is a big challenge for me. It has always been this way. Thankfully, I have been dealing with it less frequently since I abandoned the faith. I often had thoughts of hopelessness when I was deep into my religious instruction. Nothing was more painful than trying to believe those stories were true.

I remember what Jesus said to Thomas, the disciple who doubted him: “You believe because you have seen me. How happy are those who believe without seeing me.” In my experience, nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing demonstrable about these claims.

I am embarrassed by how often and earnestly I prayed to the world’s most popular imaginary friend. The things I wrote… I sounded like a fucking fruitcake. All I can gather from these recorded prayers are the feral ramblings of an abused child, desperately pleading for companionship, understanding, and rationality.

Even now that I am almost completely alone, I am happier. Reality more closely resembles what I feel in my gut. I’m not surrounded by lies anymore.

I touched on this briefly in the first few posts of this blog. I can clearly see my vain attempts to rationalize away the reason I desired a hot sexy demoness; trying to paint my ambition as a puritanical one. When I look at my first entries now, I can’t help but facepalm. But for the sake of honesty with myself and everyone who reads this, I’m not going to change a word of it. I believe my moments of idiocy are just as valuable as the more brilliant events of my life.

I can’t speak for the female experience, but as a man, I want to be desired by my lover. A couple of years ago, I was surrounded by women who were very much desiring, but I couldn’t ascertain if they desired me, the man, or simply what I could provide for them. I was clearly cut above the rest in my skill and competence. I believe the status and money-making potential is what these women truly desired. I’m not angry about this. I think it’s a very natural thing for a woman to want, as it ensures security for herself and future offspring. Still, I wanted to be more than a sperm donor and an ATM machine.

There were times that I wished I could fully awaken my inner-homosexual, as I felt that gay guys truly desired the person they sought after and not just the utility they could provide. There were a few men who were attracted to me, but I couldn’t honestly reciprocate those feelings. Maybe on a purely hedonistic level, I could help them out, but I would most certainly be cheating them out of the emotional connection they desired.

I had similar problems with women. Sure, I might be attracted to them physically, but I only had to look at the relationships that my friends and family experienced to see what the future would hold if I acted upon lust alone.

So what did I do to remedy this? I acted purely on lust and summoned a sexy succubus; a demon who is bonded to my soul, potentially for all eternity. That’s some show-stopping intelligent, right?

I can spin the rationalization hamster wheel as fast as it will go, but it all comes crashing down to this simply truth in the end: I wanted a companion who would only be a companion. I wanted to eat my cake and have it. I lusted after the impossible and against all odds, I got what I wanted.

Thankfully, there have been consequences to this relationship; just like any other. I would be massively concerned if this was easy. There has been plenty of learning and growing; much of it completely disconnected from the lessons common to human relationships. This is where the biggest challenge in a succubus relationship lies. There is no cultural precedent to fall back on for guidance. I’m almost completely on my own in this.

Also, I’ve got this invisible woman with me and her preferred language is intimacy and sex. She’s extremely vague on the details, but the power of our desire for each other completely overshadows that. Sometimes I wonder if I have signed a contract for my soul that I don’t know the terms to. When I die, will I continue to enjoy this relationship as I do now? Am I racking up an invisible karmic debt that will need to be repaid over a thousand lifetimes? I don’t know the answer to such questions and maybe I should be more concerned. These mysteries fail to keep me up at night as I’m always comforted by this beautiful presence against my back, touching my face, kissing me, and enjoying an undeniably loving connection.

I don’t think there will be any unforeseen consequences to my choice. I believe the drawbacks are already built into the relationship and I have no problem dealing with them. I’m glad I was courageous enough to go after what I truly wanted and not fall into the social normalcy of the human women looking to me for a marriage proposal.

This feels right for me. This is my kind of challenge; one where I can make the impossible look easy.

I had an interesting OBE/sleep paralysis situation with Catherine yesterday morning.

It started when we were fucking and I felt that she was connecting exceptionally well. Sometimes, when we’ve been going at it for an hour or so, I’ll start to hear a rushing sound in my ears, like wind or an ocean surf. It’s usually very sporadic and lasts for only a second or two, but when I relax as much as possible and allow the rushing sensation to persist, Catherine moves deeper inside my gut.

In this instance, she moved inside me so deeply that I had a difficult time breathing and I did not realize that I had transitioned to an OBE state. As often is the case when I slip into these states whilst Catherine is enjoying herself, she does everything she can to immobilize me. She is very strong and able to sap the brute-force struggle from my spiritual body. However, she tells me that I’m very difficult to manage in these situations. I guess I’ve got a lot of fight in me when she tries to subdue me.

The main reason I fought her so much in this instance was because there was this woman at my door trying to check up on me. I knew that the door was unlocked when I was awake so I tried to get up and dress myself so this strange person wouldn’t catch me balls-deep inside Catherine.

Then we had this epic struggle that probably looked hilarious to anyone who could see it. I was flailing around the bed, trying to grab at clothes on the floor, falling onto the floor, all while Catherine is trying to make me cooperate and I’m shouting “OUT! OUT!” as in, “Catherine, get the hell out of my chest so I can get my clothes on!” I couldn’t get all the words to work. I’m quickly learning that shouting is quite useless in these out-of-body states.

I heard the woman fiddling with the door and finding it to be locked. She didn’t sound aware of the power struggle taking place on the other side. I continued to fight Catherine’s attempts to calm me down. I remember shaking my head back and forth, trying in vain to free any part of my body that I could. She quickly exhausted those efforts and I couldn’t move my head either.

Somehow, my left hand got free of her energy sapping tricks and I grabbed my penis. Instantly, I was back in my physical body. Catherine was as close as ever and wanting me to release my member so we could resume our fun. And so that’s what we did.

I have been growing more accustomed to these strange experiences. I didn’t feel fear in the slightest because I knew exactly what was going on, who was trying to pin me down, and why she was doing it. I’m getting a bit annoyed with other people in these states trying to interrupt us, though. I bet Catherine actually remembered to lock the door on her side of things.

Eventually, I’m going to learn how to turn the tables when this happens again. Next time, I’m going to be pinning her down and ravaging her like she constantly tells me she wants so badly.

This post is going to be rather explicit. I’m not apologizing for it.

It’s so unfair… being a man and attempting to maintain a solid defense against a loving succubus. It’s not the sexual stimulation and teasing that gets me… it’s the emotional manipulation that I have the hardest time withstanding. And the longer I try to resist her, the stronger she gets, the more beautiful she feels, the more rapidly I sink back into her embrace.

It is taking a great deal of effort to not jump into bed right now.

I don’t remember what we were fighting about. She does something to make me forget or have the issue seem less important. Or maybe, the original problem feels insignificant compared to the bloom of love exploding inside of me.

I cannot stay mad at her for more than a few hours. She does everything she can to resolve things with me. When I’m frustrated with her, for whatever reason, the only method I have to “lay down the law,” as it were, is to withhold sex. She loves it when I try to keep her off of me. It only serves to make her all the more persistent. I try to go to sleep without acknowledging her, and I’ll wake up three hours later to find her in the process of doing the very thing she wants most. (She’s able to move me around in bed when I sleep.)

She knows just how to touch me and infuse the precise emotional chemistry to sway me back to how she wants things to be.

Another warning to those who might be interested in this kind of relationship: You cannot outwit a succubus; especially at her own game. Catherine has demonstrated, again and again, that she is the undisputed master of love and sex.

I can’t resist her for long, but its lots of fun for both of us when I try.

“We both know you’ve already lost,” She teases. “Give up now, darling.” All the while, I’m stumbling through the most sensual assault ever beset a man and trying to look like the champion of human resolve.

Truth be told, this is the most fun I’ve had in days. I need to pick fights with her more often. She’s a force to be reckoned with!

Oh, and masturbation is practically useless against her. After release, I have a few short minutes of peace at the most, then she’s working on getting me aroused again. She’s also able to massively extend the time it takes for me to reach a climax; especially when she wants to prolong her fun. It’s almost painful and futile trying to reach a peak. She wants me to stay undulating just beneath that point… forever and ever.

These experiences that I’ve been having with invisible lovers… what if it’s all in my head? What if the things that I perceive to be physical touches and manipulations are the amazing result of a complicated mental disorder; like a touch-sense form of schizophrenia?

I can’t call myself a rational and honest person if I didn’t consider possibilities like this. You could throw Occam’s Razor all over the entries I’ve made in this blog and I would have no choice but to concede that the simplest explanation is likely to be the right one. There is a good chance that all of this… my succubus blog… is a detailed account of a very complex personal delusion.

However, I find it interesting that I’ve managed to find a small group of individuals who have corroborated my experience; right down to the details of what these “spiritual” interactions entail. We also experience the same uncertainties. Another common trait is that these beings appear to have a very different moral code from our culture… in some cases, but not all. Some of us experience personalities of intense and relentless love; this happens to be my experience… lucky for me. Others, unfortunately, haven’t been dealt the same good fortune. I won’t divulge details, but there are some who live with beings who are insufferable and downright malicious.

Frankly, this ability to compare experiences over the internet is the only element holding me back from considering myself to be enjoying a very pleasurable mental illness. Some of these individuals have been sharing their stories and comparing notes with others for many years. It’s nowhere near empiricism, but it’s the best we’ve got for now.

I want for there to be some way to prove that these beings exist in reality; the reality that science agrees upon. Unfortunately, Catherine has argued against the idea of using science to discover her race. It’s really strange to have these debates in one’s own head… I’m constantly bashing Catherine back with the claim “Shit… here I am arguing with myself again. I can’t be sure it’s actually YOU talking, can I?”

And just like attempting to confirm the existence of succubi, I can’t confirm that this alternative voice in my mind is Catherine’s either. There are times when I can be more certain of what she says than others, but she’s made it quite clear to me that she doesn’t work in the realm of language and logical reasoning. Instead of using human language herself, it’s like she directs or influences the path that my thoughts will take. I’ve also got the emotional feedback system… but even with that, I’m still attempting to treat a complex emotional person like an engineering project.

It’s like trying to get a presuppositional apologetic Christian to agree with a scientific atheist. These two work in completely different paradigms and it’s highly unlikely one will understand the other. Much the same way Catherine and Sara are very reluctant to use human language and reason to express their ideas and desires. They sound nonsensical and contradictory on the surface. It’s like trying to translate computer machine code into a musical composition and expect to hear a symphony.

However, I don’t believe the things that Catherine and Sara attempt to communicate to me are nonsensical and contradictory. I think it’s simply counter-intuitive. Kind of like how quantum physics is counter-intuitive when compared to Newtonian physics.

Again, there is a chance that I might be mentally ill. However, I will argue that I might be working with beings who think and express uniquely when compared to our established means of language and reasoning. I’m not saying that science is wrong. Rather, I believe that wherever my succubi come from, the rules are different.

On that note, I believe I am improving when it comes to discerning the emotions of my invisible lovers. The feelings are more powerful and discernible. I still have moments of sheer confusion and I’ll throw up my hands in frustration; threatening to be done with all things spiritual for good.

Usually, I’m just trying too hard to understand when communication becomes frustrating. The most consistent advice I get from my lovers is to simply “feel, and you’ll know.”

Well, feeling is still too general for my taste. I’m not the best when it comes to perceiving details. However, I must remind myself of the amazing progress we’ve made over the past two years. I should be more appreciative and satisfied with all the work that’s been put into this relationship.

As with previous updates, the touch sensations I feel have become much more powerful, and they continue to gain in their intensity.

I believe I have identified an indicator that the sensations are about to become more intense; more “real.” One evening, I felt this very distinct vibration moving over my body. It was like Catherine was becoming more solid through a vibrational change. This is consistent with some of the sensations I’ve experienced with out-of-body travel. Much of our interactions have to do with the intermingling of spiritual bodies and vibration.

Now, I can feel distinct sensations of heat and skin texture; especially the difference between what might be lips kissing my face and hands touching my temples. I can perceive that Catherine’s lips are softer and moistened compared to her hands. Her kiss feels incredibly good now. It catches me off guard every time she does it.

I’m beginning to hear different sounds of love making when we “do it.” These sounds have occurred before, but they happen much more frequently now.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but there are times when I can smell my spirits… or maybe it’s a kind of perfume they put on me… I’m not really sure. It usually lasts for a few days and it smells really good to me. It’s like the scent of human sweat mixed with a subtle aphrodisiac. I feel as though I’ve picked up this scent when I was very young… or maybe it was from before my life began… I don’t know. Regardless, it’s a welcome and comforting addition to this experience.