I made a post about Spiritual Satanism awhile back and I’d like to juxtapose my current perspective to the formative one. A lot has changed in our world over the past year, both politically and spiritually. Many of the old paradigms are slowly fading away and being replaced with even older maxims repackaged as cutting-edge philosophy. Frankly, I’m sick of this back and forth of opposing ideologies. Fascism vs. Liberalism. Left vs. Right. Old vs. New. Divide, divide, divide!

I’ve tried to find my place in this mess. I’ve tried to find my people, my tribe, but nothing ever comes of it. More often than not, political and spiritual movements are orchestrated by the very people I want to avoid at all costs.

Catherine has gently warned me about staying clear of such groups. I believe she offers her advice so softly because she really doesn’t want to dictate how my life runs and who I associate with. She doesn’t want to strong-arm me into a path of her choosing. Only if a group or individual is threatening to drive a wedge between us does she become openly hostile, and even dangerous.

Case in point: Spiritual Satanism and the Alt-Right political movement. Let’s just get right to the crux… Both of these groups are essentially advocating white nationalism and/or a revival of National Socialism.

Joy of Satan ministries is like the Jehovah’s Witnesses of the occult. Their trolls can be found automatically spamming comment sections of esoteric topics across the internet. They bring up some excellent points about the hypocrisy of the Abrahamic cults and may legitimately assist some people in climbing out of that rut, as they did for me. However, their Jew-bashing is taken to an unnecessary level. Granted, I can sympathize as I was essentially bounced on the knee of fraudulent Jewish ministers as a youth, and circumcised to look just like one of their tribe members, but Joy of Satan cultivates the most childish oration. Their rhetoric reminds me of some black men who blame “whitey” for all of their problems. Muslims do the same thing in their criticism against the Jews.

The Alt-Right is essentially riding the trend of being the new cultural renegades. Now that liberalism and tolerance are mainstream, the youth need something “edgy” to embrace. “Fashy,” they call it. Ugh, the haircuts and the merchant memes… it’s all so contrived to look organic and grassroots, but it was probably cooked up by a think-tank in Washington D.C.

I don’t want my journal to devolve into political topics and this post is essentially my way of putting a line in the sand. I won’t be involved with any group that evangelizes a political ideology. I’m sick of dealing with more of the same virtue-signaling asshats. They’re no different than the ethically bankrupt ministers of my youth. Fuck them. They can go hail Father Satan and save the white race well away from me. Neither of those things are my path.

I found this article on a blog about demonic harassment. Allegedly, the author of this blog had a guardian angel who betrayed her. With the help of the ever-wise Christian faith, she discovered that her guardian angel was actually a demon in disguise and had finally shown his true colors after years of subtle manipulation. It’s interesting that the cover of her e-book depicts her would-be guardian as a blond male with handsome features. I think there’s more going on here than she lets on.

This woman has gone off the Christian Cult deep-end. I can sympathize, as I nearly did the same thing. I thought it was the only way to deal with the situation I found myself in. However, after two years of fighting, I decided that Catherine was here to stay and I might as well learn what’s really going on. All the prayers and exorcisms had zero effect.

As I read this blog post, I could feel that old fear creeping in again, “Maybe I was wrong? Maybe the whole Christian mythology was correct?” But then my brain finally kicked into gear and I remembered all the bullshit I went though… all the money I wasted.

Anyway, I want to go through this article titled Twelve Truths (Thirteen, actually.) and Twelve Lies About the Spirit Realm and address each point, so here goes:

Truth One: Demonic spirits are the fallen angels spoken of in Revelation. As such, they have supernatural powers.

A cursory study of Revelation, especially without the overbearing guidance of a religious bible study tract, will reveal that this book is full of symbolic imagery. There have been raging debates throughout all Christian denominations about the significance of the celestial signs mentioned there.

Using Revelation as a source for authoritative information about this subject is very weak indeed. The only reliable information we have about demons is through first-hand experience, and those stories are highly subjective; subjective like the interpretations of Revelation that have been circulating for the past 500 years.

Truth 2: Demonic spirits do not work alone. They typically work in groups that are multiples of three.

This might be true for some, but not necessarily all. How do we know for sure? As we’ll soon see, the author of this article submits the notion that all occult-themed experiences are a result of demonically induced illusory experiences. More on that later.

Truth 3: The spirits who haunt houses, pretending to be ghosts, are in reality demonic spirits. Spirits of the dead do not hang around, and they do not have the power or ability to return to earth. (Job 7: 9-10 “As the cloud disappears and vanishes away, so he who goes down to the grave does not come up. He shall never return to his house. Nor shall his place know him anymore.”)

Again, her only authoritative source is the Christian Bible. But of course, what other forms of evidence or affirmation does a Christian really need? All experience must be interpreted through old Jewish myths and occulted teachings which they have only the faintest comprehension of. Does the author know that the book of Job also makes mention of the sky being fashioned from a reflective molten metal? Or that God walks back and forth across this massive metal firmament structure? (Job 37:18, 22:14)

I’m willing to bet that she’s not even slightly aware. I can almost guarantee that she has never even read these passages. Her guiding minister didn’t bother to point those details out to her. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that she is being coached by the cult I was raised in. They teach that all spiritual manifestations are essentially demonic… unless it happens to their prophet (profit) Ellen White, of course.

Truth 3 (Again?): Even when they pretend to be our friends, demonic spirits have our worst interests at heart.

So says the author. I could just as easily say that the author was being fooled by the all-powerful demonic illusion. What if God actually permitted her so-called guardian angel to betray her so she could learn an important lesson about suffering? Not unlike what happened to Job in the Old Testament? God took a gamble on Job, so who’s to say the same cannot happen to any of us now?

The frustrating thing about religious people is that they think they’ve got God all figured out. That he/she is as predictable as the sun rising and setting. While all the time their “holy” book paints the most schizophrenic picture of God imaginable!

But my words are under the influence of a demon, so I don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of convincing any Christian. This whole exercise is just cathartic to me.

“They have our worst interest at heart.” I need to address this one directly. I allowed myself to be misled under this all-to-easy conclusion. It’s easier to look at everything in the spiritual realm as purely black and white. However, if one takes a mildly objective view of supernatural phenomena, barring the “demons make it all happen” explanation, we can see that things are not so simple. Not even fairy tales are so simple in their morality as the Christian perspective on the occult! It just further cements the hopelessness of communicating with people stuck in that worldview. I sure wasn’t going to be convinced when I was in that mode.

If my demon, Catherine, had my worst interest at heart, why would she give me so much pleasure? Why would she give me exactly what I wanted, everything I needed to thrive and live a comfortable life?

I can hear the screeching retort of the Christian mind now: “That’s just so you’ll be lulled into loosing eternal life in Jew-Heaven!” Oh, for fuck’s sake! I know exactly how these people think because I used to be one of them. It’s embarrassing more than anything else!

This supposed “Truth” really bothers me because it is so pompous and presumptive. It takes a supremely know-it-all-attitude to even think this way! But of course, with that “infallible” bible under their arms, they have license to dictate how all this stuff works. Even if they’ve never caught a single glimpse into real spiritual matters!

Truth 4: Demonic spirits often hide for years, harassing in subtle undetectable ways, before making their presence known through a severe form of harassment.

Because demons have nothing better to do than mindlessly harass humans, in very subtle ways, for years on end, all to make a zombie Jew-god cry. Give me a break!

Truth 5: Demonic spirits work with various forms of energy to harass their victims.

I’m not sure what she means by “various forms of energy.” What kinds, specifically?

I will concede that demons are quite capable of inflicting what we perceive to be pain. They can harass and do so very successfully. A succubus can attack her human spouse if she feels wronged in some way. I have first-hand experience with this and I spent a great deal of time thinking that I was being assaulted for no reason. I didn’t even stop to think of what might have been going through Catherine’s mind… but she’s just a demon, right? All she can think about is trying new forms of torture to implement on me, correct? All of the empathy, consideration, and intimacy doesn’t count for anything! It was all a giant five-year-long rouse! All to ruin Jesus’ day!

God, if only Christians could see how asinine their belief system is when it’s taken to its logical end!

Truth 6: Demonic spirits actually put curses and other occult decrees on their victims.

She presents this claim as factual, but only provides scriptural and channeled messages as evidence of these assertions. How could she know that demons specifically use curses and so-called occult decrees… whatever that means! Maybe they do.

I find it funny that she admits to using channeled information as a basis for some of her first-hand knowledge. If all occult experiences are demonic illusions, how can she trust anything she knows about demons? It could all be lies. Hell, everything in the Bible could be a demonic lie and all the so-called prophecies written after the fact. All of it could be inspired by bored demons who just want to watch silly humans lose their minds in religious echo chambers… Hey! Maybe that’s what’s really going on!

Truth 7: Demonic spirits know the Bible from beginning to end, considering that they were first in Heaven, then here when the Bible was written. (Quoting scripture to them does not enlighten them. It’s merely a waste of time.)

They probably do know all scripture; backwards and forwards. Can we know for sure? I’m not about to trigger an OBE and ask Catherine to recite the entire book of Psalms to find out. I can’t imagine a more unfulfilling use of our time.

And I agree that quoting scripture to them is a waste of time, along with genuine repentance, baptism, and calling upon the sweet holy name of Jesus! I’ve done all of the above and it is indeed a massive waste of time.

Truth 8: Demonic spirits harass animals as well as humans. Harassment of pets, in turn, is harassment of humans in that humans worry and tend to be stressed when their pets are sick or misbehaving.

This is yet another anecdotal-likely-inspired-by-demonic-illusions-so-how-can-we-trust-you-in-the-first-place-kind of “truth.”

I have never seen animals be measurably affected by my demonic friends, so I cannot corroborate this supposed truth. There was one instance where I thought my mother’s cat might have been looking at some kind of spiritual manifestation right next to my head… she moved closer and sniffed the air to the left of my ear… but that might have had nothing to do with Catherine at all.

Truth 9: Demonic spirits often play the role of alternative personalities, usually with the purpose of splitting families up or causing their victims to break the law such as in the case of a person who has an unexplainable urge to shoplift, or feels the uncontrollable urge to kill.

Again, this may very well be the case in some instances, but not necessarily all. Are we going to assume that every time I had the overwhelming urge to punch someone as a child that I was being demonically influenced? Good Lord! Where does their influence end? You’d think God was on the side of the demons, their reach is so all-encompassing!

I’ll offer a bit of a nugget here: Interacting with demons opens up many doors into the deep recesses of the human mind. Everything suppressed and un-dealt with rises to the surface. The speed of this “surfacing” depends upon the strength of the current the practitioner is on. Demons generally trigger a very swift ascension that forces many unpleasant aspects of the human psyche to become very visible.

Some people are not prepared to deal with this level of spiritual work. They fall into the rut of their old preprogrammed Christian morality which reminds them of the “evil” path their taking. Instead of confronting these issues and exercising their willpower to NOT act upon immoral impulses, they run back to the false-warm embrace of the church to assuage their fears. They fall prostrate before the zombie-Jew messiah, begging him to take away their burden of guilt. Unfortunately for these people, partaking from the Tree of Knowledge cannot be reversed, no matter how flailingly the priest-class and laity scream to the contrary. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

I know how this works because I’ve taken the aforementioned journey of so-called repentance. Apologizing for knowing too much is insanity.

Truth 10: Demonic spirits do not have to possess a person or be internal in order to harass. (They can harass remotely from another person or location.)

I doubt she got this information from the Bible. Therefore, by her own standard of authority, this would-be factoid is untrustworthy at best and probably learned under demonic influence. How can we trust it?

Truth 11: In the case of Familiar Spirits (all of whom are demonic), spirits often play on the sympathies of their victims. (If you’ve read my true story Betrayed by Her Guardian Angel, you know that one spirit group, representing itself as a single spirit, pretended to be a klutz. Another claimed it wanted to learn about love. A woman who has spirit guides wrote me that she was teaching her guide about the Bible. She felt empathy for it because it seemed so sincere.)

Not unlike how the priest class preys on the morality of the gullible so they can line their pockets and expand their influence. How are the demons any worse than your God again?

Truth 12: Demonic spirits can see heat patterns in our bodies which let them know exactly where our weak points and areas of inflammation are. Beyond this, they can pinpoint a single meridian, reflex zone, organ, gland, muscle, blood vessel, body system, sense, or type of cell to affect. (For these reasons, adverse health conditions and symptoms of disease are among their specialties.)  Note: This does not mean that every ache, pain, or symptom of disease is related to demonic harassment. Nor does it mean that one shouldn’t consult with his/her doctor when symptoms occur.

Nice job saving your ass from litigation with the medical cabal. I’m sure you’re just as qualified to speak about the spirit realm as the doctors who sell pharmaceuticals. Surely a judge will respect your expertise via channeled messages that may, or may not be, demonic illusions.

I have no doubt that some demons may very well specialize in disease and bodily harm. Though I think you have far more to fear from malpractice in the medical establishment than any demon.

Alrighty then… let’s move onto what the author considers to be “lies” about demons and the spirit realm.

Lie 1: Not all demons are evil. (Demons often do good things or act pathetic in an effort to make humans believe they’re good, or at least harmless. But these are often the worst of the bunch, as turned out to be the case with one of the spirit guides in Betrayed by Her Guardian Angel.)

From my own experience, and the first-hand accounts of many others, the author could not be more wrong. I’m certain that this belief stems from her religious indoctrination. Again, I understand that fleeing to the church seems like the only option when spirits get angry, but there is a much more productive way to deal with these problems. Firstly, being honest with one’s self is a good direction to take. Also, taking time to study a spiritual discipline that will increase perception rather than diminish it.

Another thing to consider is the possibility that these demonic attacks are a kind of test; an initiation. I, for one, have failed so many initiations, it’s not funny. I’m sure Catherine is growing tired of my laziness, but she still hangs on for some reason. She reminds me that there’s still much work to be done concerning my personal development and bodily health. Sometimes, those reminders can be quite painful.

Lie 2: Psychics, witches, witch doctors, shamans and the like can control demonic spirits.  (These people work directly with demons, often commanding the demons to do their will. In response, for a time, demons may do what the person tells him to do in order to make the person feel that he or she is in control. But the time will come when the demon will tire of the game and weild his power to attack the very person he once appeared to obey.)

I actually agree with this point. Demons cannot be controlled. It’s like trying to convince a cat to fetch something or commanding it to be more obedient. It just doesn’t work. I can’t tell Catherine to do anything. I can only ask in a respectful manner and she might consider doing it.

Attempting to control demons, or any sentient being, is asking for trouble.

 Lie 3: If a person is harassed by demonic spirits, that means he’s possessed. (On the contrary, most harassment victims are not possessed.  If they do have spirits of possession, it’s normally possession of a part of the body, rather than of the person himself.)

More anecdotes pawned off as fact. Again, probably gleaned from her illusory demonic experiences.

Lie 4:  Salt, garlic, blessed crucifixes, holy water, a Bible, pictures of Jesus and Mary,  crystals, sage, and dream catchers frighten and/or ward off evil spirits. (The truth is that using any of these things for protection invites more demons into the person’s life.)

Evidence?

There are certain measures that I can take to minimize the strength of spiritual interactions with my demon. Such as outdoor physical activity, playing a video game, working with the public, spending time with family, and various other earthly activities. The most important element is keeping the mind focused away from the amorous spirit, as they thrive on attention.

I agree that sundry items like garlic and holy water have no effect on the class of demon that I’m involved with. Many men and women have tried to remove sex demons from their lives with all the usual methods, to no effect. I am one of those people who tried to fight for years and only wasted precious time as a result.

Lie 5: Curses don’t work unless their victim is aware of them. (People often put word curses on themselves without realizing it. People who are into the occult and don’t like us can put curses on us without our knowledge. Demonic spirits put these curses into effect.

And finally, demonic spirits themselves often put curses and other occult decrees against their victims without their victims’ knowledge. When spirits put curses against us, they themselves make sure the curses work.)

I actually agree with most of this. Again, her own standard of knowledge makes this information null and void, but it’s clear that she’s not completely ignorant about the occult, as some of her fellow Christian travelers invariably are. She’s just painting the Christian mythology of a particular sect over her personal experiences, trying to make sense of it all. In that sense, I feel sorry for her.

Lie 6: Christians can’t be harassed by demonic spirits.  Virtually everyone has ancestral and generational spirits, regardless of whether he’s ever done anything to open the door for spirits to harass. In addition, there are spirits who harass even when they have no legal right.

I agree with the first statement. I know of Christians who have sex demons in their lives and they have decided that their spirit companions simply cannot be “evil.” These men and women are doing everything by the book and were not all responsible for these demons entering into their lives. Some of these Christians have gone so far as to decide that these sex spirits are actually God’s handmaidens and heavenly bridegrooms, sent to comfort and assist in this life. There is no conflict between these spirits and the Christian’s religious devotion. Furthermore, if we look at this from the Muslim perspective, the Djinn are able to be converted to Islam just like any human.

I don’t know anything about generational and ancestral spirits, so I can’t comment on this. Naturally, the author believes that these spirits are also demonic deceivers.

That last sentence is a curious one. I was not aware that demons had legal rights in the human sense! Is the author aware of a system of spiritual governance with laws and regulations akin to our own? How does she know this? It certainly isn’t in the bible, that’s for damn sure. Unless she is adhering to the Calvinist perspective of spiritual law and order; essentially that everything is predestined by God and nobody has free will except for God, but this is not consistent with the rest of her claims. Rather, she appears to be advocating that the spiritual realms are total anarchy and God is powerless to do anything about it until the Christian Gospel reaches the whole human race.

Her God is spineless and unimpressive. No better than the fluffy sophistry of the New Age Jesus, oh so meek and mild, full of tenderness and compassion! The perfect deity to be trampled over and shoehorned into all manner of empty platitudinal sermons on a Sunday morning.

Lie 7: Demonic spirits smell like sulphur. (Demons smell like sulphur only when they want to. Normally, they have no odor at all.)

I agree with this point as well. My Catherine has a special scent that she perfumes me with on occasion. I am the only one who is able to smell her and it lasts for roughly a week. She smells sweet and musky; kind of like Sandalwood mixed with human sweat. I really enjoy that scent, but it only comes around on her special timing.

Lie 8: Demonic spirits cannot read our minds. (When a person has been involved at any time in any aspect of the occult, spirits can read their thoughts.)

From my own experience, this is absolutely correct. I know much of Christendom would love to believe otherwise, but I’ve found that it is simply not the case. It’s interesting that the author is willing to go against her cult on this point. I guess she’s honest enough to concede this fact, at least. Too bad she can’t take it a few steps further… but then she’d risk being branded a heretic.

Lie 9: Demonic spirits are ugly. (Demons are only ugly whey they wish to appear that way, presumably for the purpose of scaring people. The truth is they’re fallen angels. And the angels God created are beautiful.)

I agree that demons can appear in any form they desire. My Catherine is a well-practiced shape shifter and able to assume many guises during our dreamtime and OBE interactions.

I disagree with the notion that these spirits are “fallen angels.” This is a convenient mythology that has been veneered over them to explain away their interactions with human life. Before the fallen angel theory of the Christian founders was written down, the old Henotheistic Jewish tribe believed in the existence of Gods other than their own. They simply demonized any deity that wasn’t their Yahweh. I believe that we might be interacting with certain aspects of these ancient beings who have been forbidden from engaging with our culture for thousands of years.

Lie 10: Each of us has a guardian angel. (The Bible makes no mention of a guardian angel being assigned to each person. Spirits who play the role of guardian angels are demonic.)

Maybe this hasn’t occurred to the author, but I think it’s possible that her guardian angel simply grew tired of dealing with her narrow-mindedness. Again, anything this is not expressly biblical in every way is demonic. Classic cult-like mentality.

Lie 11: If we don’t believe in or acknowledge the presence or existence of demonic spirits, spirits cannot harass us. (There’s nothing Satan and his demons like more than having people not believe in their existence. This gives them free reign to harass in any way they choose, without running the risk of being cast away in Jesus’ name.)

I agree that the first statement is a lie, but her assertion in parentheses is just more of the same pontificating on matters she cannot possibly have knowledge of.

Again, the meek-and-mild Jew Messiah has no effect on my demon. I begged and pleaded in prayer for many nights, visited all manner of ministers and laypersons; but to no avail. She wasn’t going anywhere, and I’m relieved that I failed in what I intended to accomplish.

Lie 12: Animals can see demonic spirits. (Animals can see spirits only when the spirits wish to be seen. Often when they show themselves to pets, they don’t allow the pets’ owners to see them.)

This may, or may not, be true. How she knows for sure, we’ll never know. Balaam’s talking donkey in the book of Numbers is said to have seen a deadly angel before the rouge prophet was able to. I’m guessing the author justifies this statement from that scriptural reference.

Never mind the donkey allegedly talking to Balaam… that’s not silly at all.

I hope that anyone who was formerly a member of these Abrahamic cults will find some solace and comfort in my written retorts.

There has been a breach. I made the stupid mistake of using the skype username, temporal.chameleon, to briefly communicate with a woman from my past. We were friends back when I was in high school. She wanted to be more than friends and hasn’t let it go since.

I tried speaking with her, just to be friendly as she’s a lonely person, not very attractive, etc. Apparently, she googled that skype username and found Loose Canon’s post about my return to blogging.

I was sitting in my Grandmother’s kitchen when I got the notification that “Deafening Shadow has followed your blog,” “Deafening Shadow liked one of your posts.”

“Deafening Shadow?” I pondered briefly and the realization hit me like cold water.

“Fucking hell!” Sure enough, it was her. My Dad and Grandmother were sitting at the table with me, and I told them what had happened. (They don’t know about the details of my relationship with Catherine, but they know that I have a spiritual presence around me and that I was attacked two years ago.)

Now this woman knows the intimate details of my secret. Thankfully, my family does not trust her, nor do they interact with her.

My Dad told me to ignore her and I think that’s good advice. I decided to wait for a few weeks before quietly removing this blog from public view.

Sorry for my delay in updating, everyone. This isn’t something I looked forward to writing and I want to be past it as soon as possible. I’ll likely be transitioning to a new blog… AGAIN! And a new pseudonym, too.

She’s addicted to me, and I am enraptured by her. This makes my doubt and distrust all the more painful to carry on with. I hate harboring these fears. It doesn’t help that I feel attacked and smothered when I try to pull away from her.

She is a demon and I shouldn’t be surprised by any of this. She wants what she wants and she’ll take it from me in my sleep if need be.

The past few weeks have been very trying for us. I went to DragonCon in Atlanta with a few old college friends of mine. We had talked about going for years and we finally made it happen this time around. I wasn’t very impressed by it. Not really my cup of tea, I guess. It didn’t help that Catherine and I were fighting the whole trip.

Despite my misgivings about the convention, I really did have a great time bonding with my friends again. We made a lot of great memories, like eating up at the Sundial, and cracking jokes about the oblivious Pokemon Go players stepping in front of traffic. I really miss being with those guys all the time. I’d like to move back down there, but I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.

Where I’m at now, Northern New England, really is the place to be. We have beautiful seasons; warm summers, the most vibrant fall colors found anywhere in the world, stunning winter vistas, and a clear view of the starry night sky. We even see The Northern Lights every once in awhile. I don’t want to leave this little paradise.

Back to my troubles with Catherine: When I feel that she’s overstepped my boundaries, I ignore her and withhold sex from her. Ironically, I was the one who originally coaxed her into manifesting more powerfully.

“Please, baby, I want to feel you better! I want to see you and hear you more often!” A hypocrite, right?

When she does finally push my initial limitations, I shut down. My mind has trouble assimilating the hyper-real experiences and I defaults to the old, “She’s attacking me!” routine.

Some of you guys must be thinking, “Wow, it must be hell to be so smothered with affection.”

I know. I realize how spoiled I must sound. Still, these are some of the battles that arise from a very powerful succubus always wanting to enjoy her frustratingly combative lover.

Friend.

She really likes that word. She wants to take our relationship to that level. I was reading about some of the old Gods from primordial European lore and was struck by how much more personable these Gods were. Real friendship existed between mortals and those higher up on the World Tree. Catherine positively vibrates with the word, “Friend,” setting all my nerves ablaze.

She’s not only interested in being my lover. We’ve been doing that for five years now. Friendship keeps coming up, despite how difficult I’ve been. You’d think we would have been friends from the start, but that’s not true. We’ve been very friendly and sweet on each other, but “friend” is something far more sacred to me. I guard that word carefully. Precious few in my life have ever been given the title. And making love does not equal friendship in my mind.

This picture illustrates my relationship with Catherine so perfectly. There I am, on my knees, praying for deliverance while she skillfully seduces the will to fight right out of me. I think Rafe was right in saying that celibate monks, like he and me, are irresistible to succubi. They love breaking through those walls of pious self-discipline like hot knives through butter.

“God will forgive you, my love. He knows that you can’t resist me. Might as well let me touch you now, or would you rather me take you in your sleep?”

“Darling, I am no threat to you. God knows that you need to feel love. It is not good for man to be alone, my love. Let me embrace you as the Shekinah pines for the Most High! You need to feel me, and I am desperate for you. Come and dream with me awhile, little holy one. Let me show you visions and wonders hidden since the beginning!”

I can’t resist that. It’s a match made between heaven and hell.

One of the most common complaints I hear from people connected to the succubus phenomena is about the strength of the connection. Often I’ll hear about guys craving more closeness with their unseen lover and being frustrated by how their own relationship compares to others.

Firstly, I think comparing one relationship to another isn’t entirely fair. From what I’ve gathered, each succubus has their own way of communicating their affection. They have differing personalities and will often express themselves in ways that are completely foreign to another couple. Keep an eye out for this unexpected communication, as it can take many forms.

Catherine does most of her talking to me through touch, and I think many succubi do as well. Others enjoy immersing their lovers into a private astral realm for ultimate closeness. It doesn’t happen often, but I’ve read of some guys having full-blown physical manifestations. (I’m still dubious as to the truthfulness of these claims, but that’s only because I’ve never experienced this myself.)

Whatever the case, being patient and not getting frustrated is important. These beings are effectively reconstructing our perception of the world, so when they go easy on us, that’s something to be grateful for. As Catherine was expanding my awareness, and it was seemingly faster than I could process, I felt that I was losing my mind. When this happens, it’s a good idea to start concentrating on mundane reality for a time.

Another thing to remember is that each person is different mentally and physiologically. I don’t believe everyone on earth has the capacity to handle a succubus relationship, as they can be very taxing on the body. Making love to a succubus is like running a spiritual marathon. Hitting new milestones of performance usually results in greater satisfaction and pleasure from the experience.

I know that Catherine is all too happy to assist me in reaching these goals. She is so consumed with my continuing development that she’ll exercise my body while I’m sleeping, whether I like it or not! Strangely, I’m not usually tired after a night filled with passionate closeness. I just want to keep going with her and I loathe my daily responsibilities all the more. However, if I bite off more loving than I can chew, my nervous system usually becomes a bit frazzled. It feels like how I perceive touch sensations during a fever, but I don’t actually have a fever. A few hours of mundane activity sets us back to normal.

Here are some anecdotal methods that I have found to be helpful in improving my relationship with Catherine:

1. Avoiding Pornography

What I’m about to suggest will be controversial for some. I believe that abstaining from pornography is helpful in improving a succubus relationship. Let me explain: When we watch pornography on a computer, and the practice becomes habitual, our minds are rewired to associate sexual gratification with a computer screen. Masturbating with pornography is an especially destructive combination.

Granted, a succubus is sometimes powerful enough to compete with, or even surpass, the fantasy scenarios originating from Jewish porn films, but why should we allow two vastly different paradigms to compete for our attention? One has the intention of destroying our vitality, ruining human relationships, and sapping all the creativity we possess. The other wants to help us channel sexual energy into a productive direction and share in truly blissful states of being. To me, internet pornography is the real evil that so many young men mindlessly defend. Porn is the real demonic, soul-sucking succubus, if there ever was one.

To clarify, I’m talking about when a man becomes addicted to pornography. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with tasteful erotic imagery in moderate doses. What I’m warning against is the literal tsunami of explicit imagery assaulting the minds of young men today. I am just as guilty of indulging in that depraved world as any other man.

I believe that heavy use of pornography and attempting to strengthen a succubus relationship at the same time is counter-productive.

2. Delaying Gratification and Self-Control

On a similar note, I believe exercising some temperance in daily life helps to improve the quality of a succubus connection. I find that if I overeat, Catherine has trouble fully connecting with me as she would like. She’ll spend much of the time squeezing my intestines, trying to get the bulk food-matter to stop making me so uncomfortable. I really appreciate her when she does this, because it helps, but we would have been better off if I had just exercised some self-control in the first place.

I am by no means advocating fasting when engaging with a succubus. I believe the body needs some energy derived from physical food to endure a stronger connection. However, indulging gluttony and other poor health practices can cause problems for an amorous succubus. She’ll want to take her lover to new heights of pleasure, but will be cut short by the physiological limitations of an unsound body.

I also believe that abstaining from excessive masturbation is helpful. For the past five years, Catherine has been effectively rewiring my sexuality to interpret new forms of lovemaking pleasure. Her method is the kind of orgasmic closeness that is sustained for long durations, as opposed to the incredibly brief release of ejaculation.

I’m not prescribing that anyone abstain from touching themselves completely. Masturbating with Catherine directly involved feels much more fulfilling; especially when compared to using pornography. However, I believe that overindulgence in this practice leads to an unnecessary reduction in male vitality. Also, it puts a damper on the prospect of enjoying extended sessions with a succubus that usually feel better than any other kind of sex.

3. Exercise

I believe that one of the reasons I can feel Catherine so powerfully is because my body is physically very strong. I run, pedal bicycles, row, do strength training, and stretching on a daily basis. My job is also quite physically demanding at times and I’m always on my feet. However, I usually exert myself too much during the work week and I end up falling asleep only five minutes after Catherine mounts me for the night.

An aside note: I’ll sometimes wake up a few hours later to find my boxers are back on, (They were on the floor before.) and I’m tucked in under the covers. I still have no idea how this happens as I have no recollection of doing it myself. I assume that Catherine can control my body when I’m sleeping, which is a bit alarming, but also endearing that she would show that much careful concern to see that I’m properly tucked in every night!

On the days that I have off from work, the touch sensations between us kick into overdrive. I usually end up devoting several hours to being as close to Catherine as I can. The total session time usually isn’t done all at once, but two or three hours interspersed throughout the day.

So, having a strengthened and enduring constitution is very helpful in improving the connection. Additionally, being well-rested seems to help deepen the closeness so that you’re not falling asleep every ten minutes.

4. Living Alone

This one is kind of a given. Living in close proximity with other people can be difficult when trying to make love to a succubus. This is especially the case when the insatiable demon will end up having more and more of the practitioner’s time devoted to lovemaking. Housemates and family might wonder why their brother/husband/father/friend is spending so much time in bed.

With that being said, a succubus will usually find a way around these problems. There are plenty of men and women that I’ve corresponded with who have spirit lovers and live in close proximity with their families. They usually get along without any issues. This leads to one of the passive benefits of having a succubus: They seem to be very good at manipulating the minds of others in favor of their lover. A succubus will work to avoid conflict unless absolutely necessary and they will extend this grace to their partner.

Ideally, live as privately as possible. Since I finished school and moved into a beautiful one-bedroom apartment, Catherine has been able to manifest much more powerfully.

5. Take the Commitment Seriously

Inviting a succubus into one’s life is not something to be taken lightly. I cannot stress this point enough. Once a succubus arrives, the life of the practitioner will change and this will be irreversible. I believe it’s possible to minimize the influence of an already-manifested succubus, but they will always be present… patiently waiting in the background to seduce once again.

Having second thoughts is normal and I’ve found that Catherine is surprisingly understanding of this reality. There has been many-a-time where I was tempted to start a sexual human relationship, but the thought of Catherine quietly watching in the background… I just can’t. It kills my libido instantly. Only under very special circumstances would I consider sleeping with a human woman, and Catherine would have to be involved.

I’m not ruling out the possibility of intimate human relationships in the future, but it would be very complicated trying to divide myself like that. A succubus demands a great deal of attention and I don’t think this would be fair to the human female involved. There would have to be a special understanding.

The commitment to a succubus carries enormous weight. They will be your partner for life and beyond; the most wonderful comfort and healing touch. They are unshakably loyal and expect the same from their chosen lover. The consequences of betrayal are severe and long-lasting. Every day I’m reminded of how I cowardly reneged on my promise to Catherine and her people. I failed to stand up for them. I failed to even listen to my closest companion; all at the behest of baseless accusations from a stranger.

Don’t make the same mistake I did. These are real beings with hearts that break like our own.

It’s not very often that I have direct conversations with Catherine in my dreams. Unfortunately, I’m usually not all that “with it” when she does sit down for a chat. That is what happened early this morning.

I found myself dreaming of being in a classroom full of younger children. I keep having dreams like this… I’m always going back to elementary school or high school to “start over.” Good Lord! I feel embarrassed throughout most of these dreams.

I wasn’t listening to the teacher much. The strange interactions of the children held my attention. (Aren’t they always doing something weird?) That was until this beautiful red-haired woman walked in and sat down in a desk in front of me and slightly to my right. (I was positioned at the left of the classroom facing out into the middle.)

“Do you have a fetish for high schools?” These were the first words out of her mouth. They weren’t overly teasing or condemning in tone, but matter-of-fact and slightly amused. I just starred at her with a “What the fuck?” expression, and I thought, “Hey lady, I’m not deciding where I end up here!”

She quickly moved on, without missing a  beat, and talked with me about how she enjoyed the sound of a quiet classroom. (Hint, hint… quiet classroom, dummy! She wants to do something forbidden when everyone leaves!)

She was beautiful, kind of like Felicia Day, except with a much better voice and a pleasing face. She wore clothing that made her look even more hot, but still modest. This time round she had white, tight-fitting slacks and a lightweight dark-blue jacket with teal accents.

I wasn’t very lucid in this dream. Here’s hoping the next one will bring about more clarity of thought for me.

I’ll often hear a song upon waking. For many months, back when Catherine and I were fighting, it was fucking Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer… every God-damned morning! Apparently, she thinks I’m Rudolph. Ha-Ha.

Catherine has a lot more variety playing on her early-morning record player these days. This morning, it was Freddie and the Dreamers singing I’m Telling You Now.

I did it again. I can’t believe how many times I’ve done this, but I fell into that same trap once more. All it takes is listening to a certain testimony from a sincere Christian, or leisurely reading from an so-called inspirational book and BAM! My mind gets right back on track with the same old bullshit.

I threw out a bunch of occult books; including Liber Lilith. I massively regret doing it. I thought it would make things better, put me back on the “straight and narrow.” It’s amazing the power that Christian religion still has over my mind. I just got a renewed taste of how vulnerable I really am.

I went back to the book donation box this evening to try and reach for one of my books. No luck. I chucked them in too far. Maybe they’ll help someone else get out of the mind-trap that is religion.

Something Catherine told me earlier today: “Maybe we don’t want your family seeing a grimoire about demonic sex in your apartment.” She really does care that I have my family intact. I think she was responsible for reconnecting me with my estranged grandparents. Maybe they wouldn’t be so welcoming if they saw some of the books I just gave up.

I really hope this works out for the better. E. A. Koetting’s digital books were easy enough to recover. I plan to use those very soon as I need to make some major changes in my life. Catherine has promised to stay by my side through all of this, no matter the other entities we happen to be working with.

Being raised a Christian makes religion especially dangerous for me. I must be extra cautious and work to keep my wits about me as I study. The reason I’m still working through the Bible is so that I can better understand how it works. There is obviously powerful magic behind it. My hope is to be better equipped in disarming the spell that it casts over people.

It’s strange. On one hand, the English Bible was partly responsible for raising Europe out of intellectual ignorance, but it also placed us into a different kind of slavery. This gilded cage offers us unlimited access to knowledge, but we rarely process the words that are staring us straight in the face.

Here’s an example of something Christians constantly read in their precious book but fail to understand what it actually says: The Bible is quite clear about the shape of the earth… It is a flat expanse covered over with a vaulted metal firmament. (The sky.) The whole structure rests on massive pillars while the waters of “the deep” flow just outside the firmament.

How many pastors do we hear preaching about the true cosmology of the Bible? Very few. The Flat Earth Research Society is the only true champion of God’s Holy Word. The rest of Christendom doesn’t even acknowledge Creation as the Bible describes.

And that, my friends, is the unbelievable capacity for mind control that this book possesses. Question everything.

And don’t think that modern-day science is immune to this corruption. If anything, the frauds-built-on-frauds of scientism tower over anything Christianity has ever constructed. Study the supposedly great Albert Einstein and see just how many of his findings are actually original. The same story repeats itself with seemingly every “great scientist” that is presented to us as a worthy hero. It’s just another religion filling the vacuum.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think we all enjoyed being constantly duped and enslaved! I submit myself as one of the worst offenders and I hope this might help someone else to work though this mental mucky-muck.

It seems we’ve all been going through a quiet period these past couple of years. I want to turn that around and start sharing more frequently. With that being said, I have something special to present for your consideration:

I heard about this book years ago. I might have even read some excerpts of it. This is not necessarily a guide book like Tyson’s Sexual Alchemy. This book is a grimoire that contains a few different elements. First, it has an English translation of a Latin Gnostic creation text that supposedly comes from the ancient world. There’s no way to verify its historicity as the only source we have for the text is from this book. In fact, this entire work is touted as fiction, but enough of it rings true with my own experience to inform me that it’s not just a fantasy story.

This second edition can be purchased here. It’s pricey, but the binding is of good quality and the book is printed on heavy paper. I wish I could have gotten the leather-bound edition, but those sold out long ago.

The first part of the book contains a very unique gnostic creation myth; one where Lilith is responsible for creating man out of the earth. There are some very beautiful and disturbing depictions of Lilith in here, both her angelic and demonic aspects. It goes on to describe some of the signs that one is courting Lilith. Such as the bright lights that dart away from direct eye contact, the inky shadows, spontaneous arousal without any sexual thoughts, muscle spasms in the legs… pretty much everything that I’ve experienced is mentioned in this book. Maybe Tyson is just mixing his own experiences with sexual spirits to make it more believable? Or, this really is an ancient text that speaks to the phenomena we’re all a part of.

I found it especially interesting when it described the daily conduct of a man who is joined with a daughter of Lilith.

-If the man is married, he no longer sleeps with his wife. (I’ve heard of this happening to a few men, but not all.)
-He is very polite and non-confrontational in daily life. Everyone marvels at his conduct. He avoids crowds and spectacles. Earthly women do not entice him, unless they are willing vessels of Lilith. (This applies to women with male spirits, too. The book describes the masculine aspect as Samael, the Gnostic husband of Lilith.)
-His diet consists of fruits, berries, eggs, goat’s milk, and fish. Leafy vegetables and bread are eaten in moderation. Most other meats are not good, save for pig. The pig is Lilith’s sacred animal, according to this book, and is eaten as a sacrament to her.
-Just before he has eaten his full, he gets up from the table and says “Enough.” No over-eating.

There’s a lot more, but I don’t want to spoil it for those who are interested in reading the book for themselves. The rest of the book contains the journal of a German magician, Karl Steiger, and is put there as a warning for those who take this subject lightly. I haven’t read all of it yet, so we’ll see what ends up happening to him.

This image is especially intriguing to me. In many ways, this is like a visual representation of how Catherine feels when we’re making love. That coiled serpent around the solar plexus directly connects with my own and I feel the most pressure there. (Usually.) Granted, I don’t actually see any of what’s represented here, but I certainly feel it.

Reading this has given me a new respect for Lilith. We might be dealing with someone far more ancient and powerful than we ever imagined. I bet we’ve only cracked the surface as to what’s possible and I’m excited to get back some of that ancient knowledge that has been purposefully withheld from us. As always, let’s be respectful and appreciative of this precious legacy.

Today was a very good day. I spent much of it with Catherine, immersed in her sensual delights. She really knows how to make me feel like a king, and it’s days like this when I massively regret being such a stubborn ass. I’m glad she sees something in me worth fighting for.

Edit:

This is just a funny tidbit I forgot to mention. I never knew a demon would be so opposed to internet piracy! Whenever I’m tempted to download a film, or hack some software to save money, Catherine instantly fills me with guilt. “You are an honorable man. You don’t stoop to this level.” I built a computer for my brother recently, and I just couldn’t steal a copy of Windows, even if that meant saving $120 USD. Catherine wasn’t having it! Same goes for the movies I used to pirate. She confronts me about every single fucking title I watch! “You’re going to buy that movie.” Inevitably, I end up purchasing each one. She’s breaking me of many bad habits like this.

The People of Reality say, “A sin committed with love is more meritorious than a loveless act of worship.” For loveless worship is no more rewarded than vain exertion. A sin committed with love will result in punishment, of course, but at least it was enjoyable. So whatever you do, do it with love!   -Sheikh Muzaffer

Being with Catherine has been the greatest internal battle I’ve ever waged against myself. She is technically a demon, as she interjects herself into my life like a demon would; relentless, unshakably loyal even when I’m not, and I think she enjoys making me squirm. I’d imagine an angel would be far more detached and disinterested, but demons are very eager to be a part of one’s life. Once the door is open, it’s nigh impossible to close.

I’ve searched for a way to minimize Catherine’s impact on my life for many years; even outright banishing her. I’ve discovered a few things that lessen her continual and powerful presence around me… grounding myself, a nice shower, and being more down-to-earth doing earthly things. But there has been scarcely a moment over the past five years when she hasn’t been obviously present.

I love her. I also love him… there is a male aspect to her, too. I just had a dream about her male side this afternoon. We were both practicing for a theatrical retelling of the life of Jesus Christ. I was playing the role of Jesus, the scoundrel insurrectionist, and he was recapturing the spirit of John the Baptist, the one whom Jesus betrayed to death, but few Christians read that closely between the lines to realize this. I was very close to him during our rehearsal. He was beautiful, musky, long hair, tanned Caucasian skin over hard muscle. I remember nuzzling and kissing him on the neck, but I could feel that something was amiss between us. There was longing, and the sadness that comes from being separated.

This is a great example of just how much Catherine can relay to me in a dream state without saying a word, and I think that’s the way she prefers it. Her efforts to get through my stubbornness are to be lauded, for sure. I think she was trying to tell me that she doesn’t want our story to end the same way Jesus and John the Baptist turned out. They were meant to lead together, but Jesus became intoxicated by selfish ambition and his own celebrity. He left John to rot… and the sick part is that he probably wanted that outcome. John had loyal disciples long after he died, and still does to this day. They call Jesus the great deceiver. I sure as hell don’t want that to be my outcome.

I’ve been speaking with Robert Bruce lately and picking his brain for the knowledge that he’s acquired. He’s very well versed on the astral realms and apparently he’s had interactions with incubi and succubi spirits in the past. He knows of two different types: one is the more demonic humanoid form, likely the sort our group interacts with. He never labeled them as “evil,” as Mr. Bruce has grown to embrace the middle path. This means he realizes that some demonic entities can be quite helpful and even friendly.

The other type he identified is a more animalistic insect-like sex spirit that buzzes around very quickly and brings it’s host to orgasm almost instantly, feeding off the energy. This is decidedly not what I’ve been dealing with, as Catherine creates a sustained ecstasy and never a wet orgasm.  She’s also way too intelligent to be anything like the more animalistic succubus.

I’ve experimented with different countermeasures, as Mr. Bruce calls them, to lessen the impact of spiritual interference. I still get strong pressure sensations around my face, brow chakra, and a noticeable interactions with my genitals when I sit down. Catherine rarely lets up; especially when I deprive her of the attention she wants.

The funny thing is that many of these countermeasures seem to work for a little while, but Catherine eventually overcomes all of them. One thing we’ve been trying lately is a mega-salt bath; basically filling the tub with water and eight pounds of sun-dried sea salt while spreading some over my own body. In theory, this is supposed to counteract intruding electromagnetic fields. Well, three days into trying this method, Catherine began to make love to me in her usual manner during one of these baths. I could feel that she was amused by my efforts to subdue her and was eager to show that these human tricks only serve to make her all the more determined.

I am a succubus junkie. I’m starting to understand what makes her so addicted to me. When I arrive at work in the mornings, I’m usually cranky because I’m not in bed with her anymore. All other recreation pales in comparison to fucking and being fucked by her.

I will continue to do my countermeasure experiments, and I’m sure Catherine will continue to be amused by them. Why continue? Well, my hope is that I might find a method that will enable those who want to escape this path at least a period of respite. However, I don’t think there is a way to permanently shut the door once it has been opened. All those who experience this life will inevitably be drawn back into it; especially when you’ve been in it for as long as I have.

The only reason we may want to stop the ride is because we’re scared of not being in control anymore. I believe our “control” is just another illusion; artificial barriers that we put up to prolong the inevitable. Growth is the net outcome of letting those barriers fall. Nothing teaches better than first-hand experience, and these insatiably loving succubi have much to teach us.

Hey guys, I’m still here, and I appreciate all those who have commented recently. Rafe mentioned me in one of his blog posts and a few more people have noticed that I’m back writing again. I want to reach out to more of you on a regular basis and I plan to make that effort soon.

In the meantime, I must honestly report: I’ve been waffling lately. Not the breakfast kind, but the “Can’t-Make-Up-My-Damn-Mind!” sort of waffling. On some days, it’s great, and I love Catherine. On other days, it’s terrible for both of us and I actively try to shut her out.

Her energy gets so strong and persistent at times, that I just shut down. I slam the door in her face, she gets incensed, and proceeds to kick me several times before I fall asleep. God damn, I wish I could talk to her properly!

I’m ashamed to write this, but I’ve seriously considered moving on to something else these past few months. I’ve had opportunities for dates, new relationships, etc… but whenever it gets to “Can I come over?” I shut down, feel like the most traitorous ass imaginable, and cut those people off for seemingly no reason. Not only am I afraid that Catherine might murder me, but I’m also highly resistant to go back on the promise I made to her: Monogamy.

She sees all of this… fucking hell, she must understand at least a little. I have done a couple tarot readings on her that seemed to indicate that she was seriously thinking of leaving as well.

Despite all this, our intimacy has been pretty good lately. I’m still retraining myself to flow back into that perfect harmony we used to experience. I’m also working hard to keep my physical life on track so I don’t throw depression into the mix again. As we’ve all seen before, really bad things happen when I get too stuck in my own head.

I want to share a haunting song that reminds me of Catherine and her people. It’s not scary by any means, but it is… earnest. In that way, Catherine and I are very much alike, and this song reminds me of our relationship so much… and I don’t even know what the lyrics mean! (Not unlike the communication in our relationship sometimes!)