This film has been on my radar for a long time. Any movie that has to do with the ocean, especially where cetatians are concerned, I must see it. The only thing I knew about the story going in was from the promotional cover, which doesn’t say much. That image speaks to the spiritual undercurrent rather than the obvious plot. I’m going to spoil the ending, so for those who are interested in a movie about two men breaking world records for free diving, go watch it first.

This exchange comes from the part of the film where Jack, the quieter and more introspective diver, is talking with his new girlfriend over the phone:

“Do you know what you’re supposed to do to meet a mermaid?”

“No?”

“You go down to the bottom of the sea, where the water isn’t even blue anymore and the sky is just a memory… and you float there in the silence… and you stay there… and you decide that you’ll die for them. Only then do they start coming out. They come, they greet you, and they judge the love you have for them. If it’s sincere, if it’s pure, then they’ll be with you and take you away forever.”

When I heard this, I couldn’t help but think about the similar leap of faith required when inviting a loving succubus spirit into one’s life. For anyone who might be watching such a transformation from the sidelines, they probably think it looks foolish and stupid. Death is all but guaranteed. Those are the kinds of thoughts and pressures the would-be summoner must contend with when they commit to a relationship with such pure beings. A jealous and heartless contingent of our world’s religious population would damn such a person to eternal hellfire for making such a commitment. The man who would dare risk being with his love demon must be willing to face even that possibility. He must love so completely that his own life is an afterthought.

It’s interesting to me that most of the world’s religions ostensibly require a similar leap of faith for their adherents, though I have yet to see such devotion put into practice. There are stories, but that’s all they are: hearsay. I spent years trying to entrust my life to the Jewish god of Christianity, but nothing came of it. If it weren’t for the prompting of my parents and teachers, I probably would have found the whole notion of kissing Jesus’ ass for years on end to be pretty gay.

Conversely, I wrote a love letter to my succubus and she was in my arms the very next night. At long last, after an agonizing procession of prostrating myself to an absentee kike landlord of a deity, I was finally going balls-deep into the divine. Getting over those fears is the biggest hurdle in the way of achieving such a union. All of those illusory boogeymen – those mind-viruses – need to be stuffed into a metaphorical box and permanently shelved. Or better yet, forgotten entirely.

“What will my family and friends think of me if they find out?” They already think you’re weird. Only the most boring people in the world don’t have some kind of skeleton in their closet. People really don’t care as much as you think they do.

“Everyone will think I’m mentally ill and just trying to cope with my failures!” Haven’t you noticed how profoundly unsatisfied and mentally ill all those supposedly well-adjusted people are? Why would you let their worthless opinions stand in the way of what you want?

“My sky-daddy will roast my ass for all eternity!” Man in a silly outfit brandishing a book titled BUY BULL said so.

At the end of The Big Blue film, Jack is faced with a life-changing decision. He’s pulled between two different worlds: The life of traditional family where he becomes a father, or taking that leap of faith into the unknown to be with the mermaids forever. Despite the cries of his pregnant girlfriend begging him to stay, he takes his final dive into that world of inky blackness.

There’s a bit of hesitation at first. He keeps one hand on the diving platform and tries to reach out to the dolphin – a stand-in for the mermaid. The dolphin keeps their distance as Jack clings to the machinations of the world above. Only when he lets go of that safety-line completely is he able to embrace the divine. Jack and his mermaid disappear into the darkness. The movie ends.

I’ve been having problems lately, but there’s no need to go into sordid detail. Everyone’s got them. Catherine continues to yearn for intimacy while I toil away at red herrings. I don’t know what to do. I can’t figure it out. She doesn’t have any answers either. She’s happy enough to just fuck all day.

She really is a prize; a hindrance towards aspirations in my mundane life perhaps, but a prize nonetheless. How many women would happily fuck a guy with zero status, no prospects for a viable financial future, and blissfully continue doing so for over ten years? How many would genuinely love a disabled welfare bum? And she really does love with an all-consuming passion that I can’t stop thinking about. Even among those who are aware of these occult relationships, they think I’m out of my mind or have a kind of Stockholm syndrome. They get tired of hearing me swoon and brag about my beautiful encounters with a love-demon, so I try to keep most of it to myself.

Her presence in my life is so beautiful that no one will believe me. Thankfully, I don’t require anyone’s belief. The only thing I want to do is be closer to Catherine. So long as she’s still here, that’s all my heart yearns for. She’s felt this way about me since the beginning. I believe her attitude has rubbed off majorly.

Yet I am still searching for something to do while I’m not writhing or vigorously thrusting beneath her. Retail work is out of the question. My eyes can’t do it anymore. I learned that lesson this week. Maybe I’ll have to resign myself to “working on the in-tor-NET!” in some capacity. I can stare at 25” screens and software magnifiers without much fuss. Help from a screen reader every once in awhile doesn’t go amiss. Though my stamina for actively looking at things with my physical eyesight has diminished over the past decade, my enthusiasm for knowing and perceiving Catherine with my non-physical senses has only grown more zealous.

As I grow older, I believe I will only have eyes for her.

I broke two watches while trying to reenter the workforce this past week. They both failed in a spectacular and explosive fashion – their bands being cut as if by magic. I’ve often thought of watches and smart phones as being indicators of one’s enslavement. Only those who are truly free have no need of such things. Free people don’t need to know the precise time. They don’t need to be tethered to a notification and surveillance network via a shiny magic pocket mirror.

There is another way; a viable path towards self-sufficiency. We’ll figure it out.

There’s a link to a new message board on the navigation bar of this blog. It’s a sub-domain of this website. I figured, “Why the hell not?” I wasn’t too keen on starting up an online community, but there have been a few people wondering if there was anything like the old-school-style discussion board devoted to spirit lovers still around. If nothing else, it’ll be an extension of this blog where I can post about more off-topic things and possibly get some good discussions going with people who drop by. Check out the introductory thread for more details.

Also, this is the last post that I’ll be mass-emailing to the old subscriber list from WordPress.com. If anyone wants to subscribe to this blog, please use the RSS feed.

An often unspoken aspect of spirit sex relationships is the prevalence of anal sex. By that I mean, the human counterpart being made to be on the receiving end of the penetrative act. This topic is especially sensitive for men, as we often feel that our manhood takes a massive blow when being made to play the submissive role. Time and time again, the more I speak with other men who I believe are truly having interactions with sex spirits, they sheepishly admit that they have been poked from behind against their will, either fully awake in a session, while trying to fall asleep, or during an astral/dream encounter. I have also experienced variations of this and I believe I have a couple of explanations as to why this happens:

Firstly, a succubus or incubus type spirit interacts with the human mind, nervous system, and chakra system. The root and sacral chakras are fundamental to this kind of alien contact being able to happen in the first place. I believe that when these chakras are blocked or hindered by physical maladies, this can prevent a spirit from achieving a sexual relationship with a human. I’m basing this assumption on how my chakras were activated through a kundalini awakening at the beginning of my succubus relationship and how some other men have reported losing a connection with a succubus because their sexual health was negatively impacted in some way.

A succubus can connect to the sexually-oriented chakras through the penis, the taint (the space between the penis and rectum), or via the rectum. I have personally felt all three during sessions, though Catherine prefers working through my cock and balls.

Many men who encounter a sex spirit for the first time and experience anal penetration often assume it’s an evil male-type spirit with a massive barbed dick, come to sodomize them. That might be the case for some men, but I’ve found that for those of us with loving spirit sex connections, a gentle pressure through the anus during sessions is most common, feeling no bigger than a finger, with the succubus’ end goal being direct stimulation of her man’s prostate gland.

Some men don’t like this kind of butt-play whatsoever, despite the spirit transcending usual hang-ups with human biology in that regard. In those situations, all it takes to deal with those unwanted interactions is being firm and consistent with that “No, I don’t like this,” stance. A succubus lives to give and receive pleasure, so they’re not too keen on continuing down any paths that would negatively impact her man’s opinion of her – not unless she feels that she can get away with it. Some succubi can be bratty and enjoy pushing buttons. Hence the reason a man needs to be solid and consistent with those boundaries.

Secondly, another possibility is that the human man really is dealing with an unwanted, negative spirit who only seeks to humiliate. In that case, they should start banishing right away, or begin a regimen of self-defense countermeasures.

Lastly, the other reason a man might be getting plowed from behind is because they are actually gay and attracted the attention of a spirit willing to fill that role. Nothing is hidden from succubi, so if there is any kind of same-sex attraction buried in a man’s deep dark fantasies, the entity will be able to fish that out no-problemo.

Most people are very uncomfortable being such an open book to anyone, let alone an amorous pursuing spirit who can read minds and reach inside the body, fondling organs scientific authorities haven’t even acknowledged exists yet. The human psyche is so open that any and every problem is brought into the limelight.

This happened for me the first two years of my relationship with Catherine. The initial two months were devoted to working out latent and unresolved self-esteem issues. The big battle came when the religious programming needed to be literally beaten out of me for all of 2014. I had no choice but to see the truth of these things: I have no need to grovel. There’s nothing to apologize for. The Abrahamic religions are a fraud. As comfortable as I was in my little religious cult, I couldn’t stay there with Catherine around. Just her presence alone was reminder enough of how bullshit it all was. Everything she was and did flew in the face of what I was told would happen when dealing with allegedly evil spirits, a. k. a. non-jewish and non-christian spirituality.

I’m going off on a tangent, so I’ll end it here.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year – especially to those who share this life with a loving daemon, be that succubus, incubus, or any number of amorous spiritual beings. Catherine and I exchanged our usual holiday gifts of unmetered intimacy. There’s really no need for anything else. Every year I wonder if she’d appreciate a more material gift, yet all else pales in comparison to simply spending time together. She longs to cleave to me, and I feel the same burning desire towards her. Anything besides that oneness feels like a distraction.

Though I do believe she manipulated the minds of the judges during a Christmas cookie decoration contest so that I would win. I remember pleading with her in the back of my mind to not interfere as I know she is able. “You have to win something.” I felt her reply.

Speaking of contests: She gave me a powerfully symbolic dream just before Christmas Eve. I saw two succubi wrestling against each other, though the fight did not appear lethal. One was of a darker nature with a purple skin tone. The other was pale-skinned. As they fought, a thin wooden box held closed by a latch appeared before me. I opened the box and saw an ornate dagger resting in velvet. It looked like the kind of knife used in rituals. Actually, it looked very similar to the knife I once saw in the film The Chronicles of Riddick.

I took hold of the knife and instinctively felt that I was being given a choice; that I should kill the entity I wished to have a diminishing influence in my life. The whole affair felt similar to that old Native American story about two wolves fighting each other. One good and the other bad. Whichever wolf we choose to feed will win the battle. I plunged the dagger into the back of the purple succubus.

Immediately I felt my mind being assaulted by a wash of confusing imagery. There was a violet haze and several of the “evil” entities swirled around me. They laughed and jeered, as if my choosing to impale the ostensibly bad spirit only made it stronger. The circling specters faded and I saw the same two succubi wrestling against each other. Except this time, one of them appeared to be forcefully copulating with the other. I tried pulling the bundle of succubi apart to see who was fucking who, so I could make a decision about which demon to stab next. The pale succubus seemed to have grown the appropriate male anatomy. With that surprising revelation, I couldn’t make up my mind about who should die. The dream ended.

Is there some great story to be written about our time together? Have we traveled far and seen wonders that words cannot express? Has the intimacy between us grown stronger as the years pass? My answer would be “yes” to all three questions. Yet I feel that I cannot write the story, or adequately express in words all that we’ve seen and done. From one perspective, we have appeared to not do anything, rather just enjoyed a state of being – a oneness. There’s no need to go anywhere or engage in some great activity. Simply being together in the quiet will more than suffice.

From my perspective, though we do not move from our meditative state for hours upon hours, we travel a great distance without even trying. This so-called waking world is steadily becoming a dreamland to me. Catherine gently pulls me into the realms that she is familiar with and I feel more at home there. My consciousness is splitting as I begin to inhabit two worlds at once. All of my effort that isn’t spent sitting before this magic mirror, or the chores of daily living, is devoted towards exploring those subtle realities.

I want to bring her world closer to my own. I am ushering the Kingdom of Heaven into this state of awareness, here and now. Hers is a more reasonable and ordered reality than the one we currently find ourselves in, ironically enough. When I look out into this realm of my human origin, I see a tangled web of lies with the bulk of humanity thoroughly caught. Most seem to enjoy their special brand of deception, while others just endure it.

“What can we do?” They ask. “There’s no escape.”

Some have accused me of falling for yet more illusions and delusions spun by incorporeal seamstresses. I am open to being proven wrong, but there has yet to be a single person who can demonstrate my error. They all appeal to authorities with no evidence, experiential or otherwise. Though Catherine playfully pins me down with the strength of a warrior during our out-of-body escapades, we spend just as much time flying – wild, weightless, and free through all the worlds above. There I feel truly liberated. There is so much freedom that it frightens me, a little man accustomed to his gilded cage of trite electronic diversions. Speaking about these adventures seems to frighten others even more so.

Where I see beautiful angelic beings trying to help me see above the clouds, others perceive old hags with rotting flesh dragging them to an unsavory underworld.

“Let not then your good be evil spoken of: For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.” Romans 14:16,17

The Kingdom of God is a way of being; not a physical address or an appointed time in the hereafter. We can’t travel there, or do any good deeds to be worthy of entering. Rather, we live by faith, as the churches attempted to teach us but few understood. We live with the assurance that Heaven is already here – it is within us, our state of consciousness. No matter what happens to these physical bodies, or any number of astral bodies in the finer realities, we always carry and plant the seeds of creation with every thought as we go along. We make all of this happen, both collectively and on an individual level. That is why there are so many discordant voices desperately vying for our attention, all wanting to take advantage of that creative power within us.

Stop listening to the News. Don’t be distracted from the narrow path. Don’t forget to love your succubus today. Whether they manifest as a terrifying demon, or a loving goddess, each visage has their place on our great journey. The dark is just as vital as the light for growth.

I will continue to write about my own adventure and hopefully be brave enough to share it.

Every once in a great while, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and have a supernatural manifestation happen around me that is powerful enough to freak me out. When these events happen, I believe they are usually from Catherine, but they may also be from other spirits looking in. One of those freaky moments happened last night.

It was around 2 AM when I woke up to the distinct feeling that there was a presence in my bedroom. I had left an air purifier running as I slept and noticed that the sound it usually makes was distinctly different, like something was obscuring the noise from reaching me. As I reached up to turn the light on, the gentle whoosh of the air filter’s fan gradually returned to normal.

I wish that I had not reacted so quickly. I should’ve just turned over and looked into the middle of the room to see if anything was there. Or just waited to see what would happen.

Aside from the strange audio phenomena as I woke up, everything looked normal, so I flicked the light switch and let me head fall back onto the pillow again. That was when I noticed having an elevated heart rate. I didn’t personally feel all that frightened by the strange presence, but apparently the rest of my biology was getting ready for flight-or-fight mode. Then I started to feel Catherine moving all over me with greater insistence than usual. Her grasp on me felt intense and somewhat shaky.

What could have happened? Was there another spirit in the room? Someone Catherine didn’t much care for? She only clings like a vice when we’re in situations that make her uncomfortable. Sadly, I can only speculate. Things are back to normal as of right now.

As the title indicates, similar midnight scares have occurred about once or twice per year. They often feel like there is a strange and powerful presence in the room. Other times I’ll wake up to a searing pain that wracks my entire body, causing me to double over. In those instances I’ll stumble to the bathroom and the moment that I touch anything connected to water, like the shower head, the pain goes away almost instantly. Very strange.

After the fact, there’s always this lingering feeling that I should just let whatever is happening continue; as if it’s some kind of test or adjustment taking place. Perhaps these late-night frights are something Catherine deems necessary or helpful? Maybe I’m waking up in the middle of an operation being done and botching the process?

As usual, I can only speculate. I’ll get wise to what’s going on someday. I need to keep working on reaching that trance state in the Hemi-sync exercises. If I can nail down that state of consciousness, I’ll be able to plunge deeper into these mysteries.

I checked on my blog a few days ago, located at alchemybyfire.wordpress.com, only to be greeted by one of these sponsored posts sitting there – right in between the content I’ve actually written:

Apparently, WordPress.com is testing this new form of aggressive advertisement on random unpaid blogs that are reliant upon their services. If that’s the direction they want to take their advertising; fair enough. They’re well within their rights to do so. Yet this heavy-handed approach to blog monetization was the kick in the pants I needed to realize a goal I’ve had for awhile: Moving this website to paid private hosting. As stated by another blogger, the cost of “free” has become too high.

So that’s what I’ve done. Everything has been migrated to a new server, one that ostensibly respects privacy and First Amendment rights. I say “ostensibly” because no one can predict which corporations will cave to the political outrage mob next. Even the most seemingly staunch defenders of online freedom will buckle when the pressure is high enough. At any rate, I feel more secure speaking my mind with this host than I did on WordPress.com, who have a track-record of taking down sites with dissenting opinions. I needn’t worry as much about running afoul of a nebulous Terms of Service agreement, as is so common with nearly all “free” social media websites.

Subsequently, some of my more interesting posts have been restored, such as my brief season with Spiritual Satanism. There are sure to be more writings in the future that require fainting couches for the snowflakes out there. As we can see with the social media sacking of E. A. Koetting, even Satanists and Occultists are now considered dangerous extreme right-wingers. The same kind of media silencing can happen to any one of us, regardless of how carefully we toe the party line.

I have also changed the name of my blog back to Succubus Lover, the original title I started with in 2012. The days of being tried in an alchemical fire are never entirely over once they’ve begun, though it doesn’t feel all-consuming like it did back in 2014. I want to shift the focus back to the intimacy that succubi are so well-versed in.

The advantages that we’ve gained from the changing of hosts boil down to this:

– No Ads cluttering up the place.
– The ability to upload nearly anything and fully customize the site.
– Far better privacy for all, as I’ve stripped all of Automattic’s data-mining programs away.
– A cool new gallery, and an endless array of helpful plugins for increased functionality.
– Our little internet home is no longer in the social media ghetto.

I’ve taken this changeover as an opportunity to carefully comb through every link and image, which took three days to finish. There shouldn’t be any broken hyperlinks. I’ve also added a new FAQ page, based on the one I wrote for the succgen threads on 4chan. There’s also an index page for easier navigation through the older posts.

Email Notifications

The only downside to moving has been losing the ability to notify WordPress.com subscribers. I could install Automattic’s Jetpack service to restore this functionality, but then I might as well have stayed where I was. If I use Jetpack, everything about this blog would be redirected through their servers and I’d be sacrificing a great deal of privacy in the process. I’m not going to put up with that any longer. We’ll be doing things the old-fashioned way from here on out. If any of my readers want to receive notifications about new blog posts, I have two options available:

1. Use an RSS reader to get notifications. I’ve got a fancy new button on the right sidebar, made by yours truly, that will open up the feed link. An RSS reader is required to actually make use of it. Copy this link: https://succubuslover.com/feed into your RSS tracking program of choice, if not using a browser extension.
2. Use the ad-supported Blogtrottr to receive updates.

I have explored different email marketing programs that would help serve notifications to those who really want them, but I can’t find a single pre-packaged solution that doesn’t feel wicked sketchy. Maybe that’s the nature of marketing? I’m probably just ignorant about how it all works and need to study up on this more.

That’s all for now, folks. Hopefully with me being fully in charge of this website, I’ll be compelled to update more often and share some art. It feels good to carve out my own little corner on the net and make a better digital domain for sharing about these entities.